It all begins at Me

"Charity begins at home", that's what Mom said when I told her I wanted to donate old clothes and all. At first I got slightly angry and didn't understand why she was stopping for doing something good. It took sometime but I understood what she meant. I could do the same thing, touch people's life.... the only difference would be that these people would be around me, Our staff... their children etc...

This saying built the foundation for a very important rule in life, It all begins at Me. Yes it does...

As I search for a friend
someone to listen to my fears
understand my feelings
accept me for what I am
I looked around
but there's nobody that I found
like I wanted
So I looked within
and understood
My friendship had to first originate with me.

As I search for love
unconditional and honest
pure and patient
a life long commitment
I looked around
but there's no one that I found
like I wanted
So I looked within
and understood
I had to first start loving me

As i search for a world
a place of peace and integrity
satisfaction of life and soul
a utopia, a perfection, a whole
I looked around
but there's nothing that I found
like I wanted
So I looked within
and understood
my perfection of world had to begin with me....


It all begins with you....and end with you...

It began just like this

Once long long ago... Ok not that long ago...During S6 (11th for all non MODERNITES) I walked into the staff room... I think I wanted to miss my Mathematics class and hence needed permission on some pretext from my Community Service In charge..... She was sitting with my English teacher, they were about the exercise she had made her class do and how it turned out.... I was standing there and listening to their conversation, waiting, so that i could take my permission note...but instead I got interested in the conversation and the exercise my teacher had done in her previous class...

She saw that I had gotten drawn to their conversation, so she humored me by telling me to perform the same exercise. She even encouraged me because she saw that expression of oddity on my face, and told me ' I know you'll write something beautiful'.... Anyways I didn't get my permission slip.... But in my mathematics class I ended up doing the exercise... which ended up in the first poem I wrote....

The exercise was to write in a word or line - "What would you rather be???"....And I wrote exactly what she expected out of me....

PS: Please ignore the use of funny things/ words that are used to complete the rhyming scheme... after all its the first thing i wrote


To be a normal person is a very easy task,
But it's difficult to be in pain and wear a happy mask.
Forget people, What would you rather be if not a human being,
Not an animal or bird, but something immortal which we keep seeing.

I'd rather be the Kite and fly high in the sky,
Beyond all limits, towards the horizon, with just a string tied.

I'd rather be the Soil in which the crops are grown,
To serve people with food, rather than being a person who moans and groans.

I'd rather be the Smile that all faces wear,
To make people happy and be a sign of cheer.

I'd rather be the Wind which flows without a barrier,
Calm, cool and mild and becomes a relaxation carrier.

I'd rather be the Tear that flows out and releases pain from the heart
than be the pain, that hurts like a needle on tip of a dart.

I'd rather be the Hug, the symbol of love and care in a heart,
So warm that sometimes with love it can tear the heart apart.

I'd rather be the Silver lining on the cloud of gray,
Giving hope to people in times of failure and dismay.

I'd rather be the Incentive, Motivation and Dedication,
That make you work tirelessly to reach your destination.

At last I'd rather be Love, Genuinity and Honesty
Which are the main ingredients of a souls purity

I did

This is an ode to someone I knew... someone I considered a friend....a close friend... I had met her few years ago....we were together for about 3-4 months and then she shifted away. We kept contact maybe not on a regular basis but we were there for each other... and one day we were chatting after a long time and things did not seem right. I told her I'd give her a call the next day.... I did plan to call her but got busy with my brother's wedding.... and when I finally wanted to contact her it was too late....my friend had passed on.....

My friend's life had been quite a roller coaster.... When we had met then too her life was going through a lot of mess.... she was the introvert kinds....often giving an appearance of an arrogant person, though she was a polar opposite to that.... She was a reserved and a shy person.... She was a person of few words.... she was a magnet for mess....and somehow that became the reason for negligence on my part.... she did reach out to me...I just couldn't see the gravity of the situation...and now nothing is left...

I don't think what she did was right and justified in any way.... but all the same it does take a lot of shit to drive a person till there.... people who matter not being thereat that time... people who you can hold on too... people who care for you...She did reach out to few of us but....we just thought it's one of those times and gave importance to our life and our things more....I'm not sure if I could have been the one who would've made the difference...But then maybe I would've...

I really did care for you and you meant a lot.....But now....its all become dust.....

Burnt lives and burnt bodies
Everything eventually
Dust
Lives of dissatisfaction
Felling of incompetence
Atmosphere of obscurity
Total insecurity
Hope being stolen away
Belief and faith stifled away....
Inside you peak
a heart ablaze you see,
in desperation a scream...
Pain.... Anger... Isolation....Suffocation...
Eyes emotionless and silent
A walk to the table
Dagger... poison.... and a rope....
All 'doors' are open
When all 'ways' are closed to you.
Eyes roll up... a thought
Oh Lord, I thank thee
For all that you gave me...
A smile....and now finally peace.......
Burnt lives give away
to burnt bodies
Everything eventually
DUST............................................

THE ULTIMATE BEFORE THE ULTIMATE

A moment is all that is there before that something very big, a very unnoticed but too big a moment.... A moment that I'm sure comes in every bodies life but somehow sometimes it's just not noticed... It's that one moment that makes all the difference, but it's that one moment we don't give importance to, the kind it deserves....Funny as though it may seem it is true.... It's with this moment in different situations that i wrote this... Might seem relevant might seem too random... just like always.....

Knock Knock

Whose there?

I’m the ultimate before the ultimate

And who may I ask is you

I’m the one moment before anything happens.

Sorry I didn’t quiet get you

Oh let me explain it all to you

When a person slips

Into the crutches of death

I’m that ultimate struggle

To catch an extra breath.

When the doctor, comes out of the OT

And silently in dismay nods his head

I’m that ultimate feeling of hope

Hoping that inside, the near n dear one isn’t dead.

When the judge gives his verdict of being guilty

And the guilty walks from the courtroom to the car

I’m the ultimate feeling of freedom

That he experiences before he goes behind the bars.

When after all wrong things

Something happens to go right

I’m that ultimate feeling of relief

That one gets after such a tremendous fight.

When the lovers end up quarrelling

And it all leads to moment of desperation

I’m the feeling of togetherness and love

That they had felt once, before the separation

When you’re about to lose someone you love

And that too because of some disease

I’m that ultimate feeling of helplessness

That one feels as they near the ultimate release.

You see I’m the ultimate before the ultimate

I’m the one moment that no one notices

Coz I don’t come for long…. Just few moments

N change everything….. to good or bad.

Now please can I come in

Coz in some way right now you’re also experiencing

The ultimate before the ultimate

Just been long time...

This one's again the blast from the past... It was written a very long time ago.... Though its recurrences in today's life are many..... Few scenes from here and there are acting like a Dejavu`....

WITHOUT....

Flowers without fragrance ............ Stars without shimmer
Clouds without rain ................... Bruises without pain
Music without beats .............. Journey without retreat
Nights full of mist .................. Stories without gist
Candles without flame .............. Guilty without blame
Name without fame ............... Victory without game
A hope without mission .............. An aim without precision
A desire that can't be fulfilled .......... A dream that can't be lived
A smile full of tears ...... Confidence full of fears
A friend yet an acquaintance .... thought of understanding yet estrangement

Feeling of love ...... A bliss
Totally unrequited...... A Miss