Aisi Vaani Boliye .... Oran ko Bhi Sheetal Kare.... Aap hu Sheetal hoe

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel...

This is a Mantra I’ve grown up with.... My mom always stressed upon and always said “Behave in a manner that you would like if someone was to do to you” hence I’ve tried to measure my words before speaking or evaluate my actions ... because of which sometimes I’ve been called calculative and a snob... either of which I believe I’m not.... Also I’m not trying to say I have been perfect and have never hurt a person... well that’s something that’s impossible.... what I’m saying is that I’ve always genuinely tried that I don’t do something that could make a person feel bad....

Anyways in the last few years there have been few incidences that have symbolically reiterated this Mantra over and again.

Few days back I bumped into a school friend whom I had had a fall out with as school was coming to an end. We hadn’t spoken since then. I saw her and we exchanged pleasantries and I asked her if she wanted to join me for a cup of coffee... she was hesitant but she agreed... trying to remain polite I asked if it was all good ... sitting for the coffee and all and hoping I hadn’t put her in a tight spot in anyway... and she laughed off saying “So you haven’t changed much it seems... Old habits die hard it seems...always measuring your words and actions” ... well I didn’t know how to react and I just smiled.... Our coffee came and we were exchanging notes on our life when she out of nowhere just started off... “Listen, I don’t even remember why we had a fall out.... I guess we were immature and stupid... But if you don’t mind lets mend the bridges”. Obviously I was slightly taken aback but very happily I agreed too... Not like I remember why had gotten bitter with each other....

We started getting nostalgic and reminiscing the old days when she told me, “You remember the music competition we had gone for.... I still can’t forget what you did... I had a hoarse throat and was really nervous about how I would be able to sing... but you not only comforted me through words but you from somewhere arranged warm water and disprins for me so that I could gargle and get myself into a position to sing... It’s truly because of you that I won that day”

I was so surprised that on my way back I just kept thinking that a small gesture of care and concern made such an impact that she remembers it till yet...

This got me thinking about my brother’s wedding that took place 2 years ago... obviously we had family and guests from all over and its a custom “atithi devo bhava” that you consider your guess above all... and that’s what I tried too... we used to have breakfasts and lunches at home before the main functions... so the whole family used to be together having lunch and we kids would help out a little by calling everyone or helping serve the breads and other necessary things around...for those 3-5 days till the guests were around.... Before leaving my Maternal Uncle specially called my mum and had a word with her. He went on to tell her that they had a wonderful time and there was nothing more that they could ask for in terms of how much we looked after them. He then added, about me, that your daughter has been exceptional. She made sure that this little girl provided breads and whatever drinks we asked for and only after she had made sure everyone was well looked after for did she sit for her own meal. She remembered everyone’s likings and then made sure that people get what they like. My Maternal uncle told my Mom that he would never be able to forgot the way I took care of them.

This had surprised me because according to me I had done nothing extra ordinary.... it was just something small that I did which eventually just stayed with them...

So the mantra came in front of us again - People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel..

I told mom about these incidences and she said it was bound to happen... we have taught you were your childhood to evaluate and do things and measure what you saw because people never forget how you make them feel and this not only stands for the nice things you do for people but nasty things too....

People eventually with the passage of time forget the nasty words but rarely do they forget the hurt they felt then... the humiliation they had been put through and this is what culminates into grudges that are kept for long long after the bitter incidences.....

So just try and keep a check on what you say and do.... Its always a pleasant feeling when someone remembers you with warmth and care...

My Knight(s) in the Shining Armour

Every girl grows up listening to the story of the Knight in the Shining Armour... of how her groom, her prince will come from a far away land and love her earnestly.... take care of her... dote upon her through ill will... who would be the one to stand beside her when any danger comes upon her.... Well, these stories get ever more melodramatic when the girl is dressed in her fineries and is looking all pretty... I grew up listening to these too... I have truly been a fairytale girl... listening and reading them up avidly and quite so believing in them too.

But. on an occasion in my younger years I sat and thought... this knight in shining armour would come when I am to be married but what about till then.... whose going to be my knight till then... the person who will stand by me and make sure nothing wrong happens to me... that day onwards I conjured up my knights from the real world... who I have always believed that I could just hide behind and every dark phase in my life would just vanish.

Yes, like every girl... the first knight I came up with was my Daddy.... I have always lived by that advertisement motto “My daddy strongest”.... my first and foremost super hero.... I’ve always known that with pa around nothing in this world could or can touch me.

Also, once when we were younger on the occasion of Rakhi we were taught the duty of a sister and a brother. How the sister is to pray for the long life of her brothers and in turn the brothers have to safeguard their sister from anything and everything in the world. Naturally, my four brothers were my second set of knights that I invented... With my two elder brothers and my two little brothers around I knew no sorrow could touch me.... I’ve experienced the bestest in my life with them and I was allowed to get adventurous too... after all my brothers were with me ... so what could go wrong...

My two Brothers in laws and my two cousins came next guiding me through the rough and tenuous patches.... Doting upon me and caring for me like no one else could.... I was always the little doll... pampered silly by them... I guess my petite structure always was an advantage for me... I’ve grown up to be an adult but I’m still treated like a small doll by them and doted fervently by them....

Last but not the least the only other person who took up the ‘knight’ spot was my Mama (maternal uncle)... they say that the word Mama is actually Ma – Ma... 2 times the mother and that’s how my mother’s younger brother has been... loving me like crazy and looking out for me just like a mother would....

I have a reason why I have narrated all this... Yesterday, I was just thinking.... Which person in the world would be able to match up to any of these “Knights”.... is it even possible.... Till date I feel that when anything bad happens I can hide behind any one of these and “lumos” (spell of Harry Potter to create light) there the darkness will vanish... I mean I understand that if at this age I was to physically do it... it would be a tad bit embarrassing but trust me I meant it just figuratively, though I’m quite capable of doing it too... but that’s another matter.... what I’m trying to say is... Would there actually be a person who can match up to any of em... Sheesh sometimes it really is not a good thing to be creative and live fairytales in your real life... This is what happens...

Three Cheers for my Knights (you’ll always be my Knights for life..... Yes, you’ve been bound to that duty for life unknowingly) and big big hugs to you.... I love you and this is an ode to you....

Suranya and Me

Yesterday my niece, Suranya was over and its a ritual... at her bed time I have to tell her stories and my little naughty girl tries to make me compete with her paternal aunt Nidhi.... After 1 or 2 stories when I try to get her to bed she always tells me " But My Nidhi Bua tells me so many stories" and I guess she does that with Nidhi too... Well these little kids sure are getting manupilative fast... Anyways thats not what I intended to write about....

Yesterday I was telling her a story and telling her how all kids should listen to their parents... and bad things happen when kids act naughty and dont listen to parents and how Mumma and Papa are the best and they make everything right....

And suddenly she blurted out " But My Dad is Fat" and I was stunned for a moment and then I had to think quick and tell her simple facts that My dad her maternal grand dad is fat too... but he's my super hero .... And so with time She finally asked "So Even though my dad is fat... He is my super hero... right???" and I was like thats absolutely how it is honey....

Its after she slept I kept thinking .... "Where did she draw the corelation of her dad being Fat and hence not being a super hero" and I realised that when we show our kids super hero movies and cartoons.... there is this imagery we're drawing in their head and hence when someone spells out SuperHero for them .... Someone super fit... super strong comes to their mind which to me is a buserque idea... I mean all these superheros batman, heman, superman, spiderman etcetera ... they make a good watch but they are flawed, unreal and absolutely fictious characters.... Thats where they should be limited to....

Children do need to be taught the difference between reel and real.... I mean parents, guides, friends, philosphers, pillars in life... they are the true superheros.... I mean what is a superhero.... Someone who guides you in times of trouble .... Someone whose there to watch out for you... your safety net.... and who other than the above mentioned people fall in that category....

So basically when she got up in the evening we were playing and I was talking to her and she again tried to verify with me " My Papa is fat but He's the best... right ??" and I controlled my laughter and had this funny proud feeling and I was like "Yes honey, absolutely... Mumma and Papa are always the best"

Arbitrariness

There have been few things that have been happening around the world and when I see the way people respond to these it gets me all Mad and Irritable....

I mean they are completely absurd and arbitrary.... Yes, in few situations I might seem cynical but I still don't understand the purpose behind it......

A few days ago, A girl was murdered in broad daylight in Delhi. She was a student of Delhi University, though the happening did not take place anywhere near the north campus... Ofcourse, everyone was shocked with what happened.... I mean it happened in front of so many people...... No one even tried to stop the purpetrators..... No one helped the poor girl or rushed her to the hospital.... People just stood there as imbecils till the police arrived.... Your heart goes out when something so absurd happens...

But... Hey, Whats with making Facebook groups to show solidarity and your concern and your sympathy for the family.... I mean why create a whole facade and drama of the whole thing... I mean ya I remember the Jessica Lal case and I also saw "No one killed Jessica" and I understand the importance of how the criminals need to be put behind bars and in situations when it doesnt happen the public needs to raise their voice.....But, again that's different than the facebook groups..... it seems like a sham...


Well, things get worse when they are politicized..... The very next day after the incidence the youth political parties took the agenda and started blocking trafiic and creating chaos in the north campus..... Again...hello... Whats with the roudiness and how the hell is that going to help.... I mean it doesnt help catch the criminals and trust me I dont understand what way of showing solidarity and compassion is this???? If at all something happened.... it got people harrowed and irritable because they were stuck in traffic.... Got people on the public transport little scared, for there was a riot being created in the public transport by these youth politicians and of course lots of names were hurled in voice and in mind for the youth politicians by the public...our Aam Janta

Well in the same week another horrible incident happend...Japan was hit by a massive earthquake and a terrible Tsunami.... I'm still slightly confused about the nuclear damage... as in I know that two reactors have blown off but I dont know if they have created nuclear catastrophe or not.....

What I want to say is anyone under this planet who saw the damage and the aftermath of the natural disaster and how badly it has effected the country of Japan, I would be shocked if they weren't shaken... If they weren't effected and prayers didnt go out well they really dont deserve to be called human....
On the other hand what I didnt understand were the BBMs that were being forwarded.... I mean it wasnt one of those chain forwards for which mobile companies or other institutions collect money for every message forwarded for the cause... If that was the case trust me I would fwd it to everyone I knew ... But this was futile......
I get slightly cynic when someone fwds me such msgs to pray and all... Coz for me this is something that comes from the heart and otherwise I feel its all a charade....I know when I voiced my opinion upon this my family also found it ludicrous saying that "No, such messages only put the point across stronger, otherwise people get busy in their personal lives and forget"

But, then I thought.... Everybody does get busy and moves on... I'm sure people in Japan too have even though they kept feeling the after shocks and are said to feel them for another week...But I'm sure it wont stop them from living their life.... But like everyone else they too whenever they think of the horor will send out a silent prayer... Just like all of us who are sitting miles away.... We might get busy.... but even when this topic will come up even for conversation sake we will invariably call out a silent prayer.... That's human tendency ....

I dont know I feel unless voicing emotions helps in doing something positive... you should let it be... Sometimes Pain is personal......
again I know many people might not appreciate my cynicism but then I too have a different view and different perception.....