Conveniently Yours…

Convenience – a word that im trying to figure out…

I mean as a child I thought it meant something that came in handy…

But as we grew up and became bitchy the meaning of the word got slightly degraded… and then we matured a little more and the meaning for me has become a little shady…. I mean I kind of don’t understand the word anymore and I’m trying to figure that out only….

I was talking to this friend of mine and discussing about the same and I said that what I figure out of that word is a person who you think you’re so close to that you take them for granted in absolute sense….as in this is someone you want to be there for and they mean a lot but somehow when you start figuring out the scheme of things, they just don’t seem to figure or get lost in the back ground with a thought “its ok …. Its XYZ… not like they’re running away” and when you have time you conveniently place them back….

At that my friend got cheesed off and sounded me off saying I had gotten too cynical about things….. and that’s how life is and everybody has a life…. and people need to do things…… and we’re not children anymore….. and we have more pressures on us…. and now we don’t have time like we used to and yada yada yada

How come is it you always take a back seat when you need standing up or that extra hour with them… how come you never figure out even though you’re a priority and when you try to complain you become the selfish bitch…. How come you’re the one left to “Hey Understand Ya”…

Well we had our coffee and came back… for a little time I felt guilty also that ya I’m wrong and of course how can I expect anything else… and maybe I’m wrong only and I need to grow up…

But then I sat down at night and I thought… Fine agreed to everything she said…But what I’m saying is not wrong to… if this is not convenience what is…

When you need someone and they’re not there….when they are jobless and comfortable in life they are there to support and but when life starts becoming bitchy for them how come you with your problems become the selfish prick around…. They pick a nice comfortable time “Oh it’s a Sunday let me be a little generous and prove that I’m there”….

Well trust me I understand that people have their own thing and can’t be there for you 24/7 or always when you need them, they have a life of their own.. I’m talking about when people 9 times out of 10 use that “busy” excuse and conveniently come around 1 time…..

Well for me that’s definitely not the case of “I’m there for you”… it’s more a case of when it’s convenient for me then I’ll be magnanimous and be there for you…

So that’s what I’ve figured out in the past couple of days whenever I think about the word Convenience…. What do you say???

Marriages are Made in Heaven

I had my first Heart break as a teenager and my mother came and empathized with me and comforted me and said " Honey, Don't Worry This was not meant to be, After all Matches are made in Heaven"



And we have all grown up hearing things to the same effect "Darling you will find your soul mate in time and after all Matches are made in heaven" .... "Sweety, there is a prince/princess waiting for you somewhere, its all destiny when you will find your match. They are made in heaven" and the list of such statements by our friends, philosophers, Guides... basically all our loved ones just goes on and on...


In India, arranged marriages are quite popular and people work on this very concept while making eligible grooms and brides meet.... It's all destiny child... Wait and Watch.... You'll meet your "One".... It's all made UP there.... Well you may have to parade around and meet 10 -20 more people just to find your "One"... But then you have to work hard to ultimate reap the benefits of "A happily ever after life"... Our Parents, grand parents that's how they got married and hence have passed this belief along generations...


One of my friends got married to their own best friend, they had known each other since play school... Obviously there was no plan as such then and not even as they grew up.... they dated other people, were always each others shoulder to cry on to rely on.... When the became marriageable age their families started looking for suitable matches in fact they even floated the idea of both of them marrying to each other but they turned it down and were looking out for people, even more so they were helping each other meet other people for marriage... it just turned out that both of them didn't realize when they had fallen for each other and then like every fairy tale they are living happily ever after..... And Oh ya as they got married they also did get to hear "See We told you. you're made for each other and this match was made in heaven"....


The point being yes I did believe in this till a few days ago.... I did believe in that fairytale story of my prince charming coming one day.... ya maybe like not on a horse and all or waking me up from my slumber sleep of 99 years or from the death bed casket...but ya the prince, the works of the fairytale and that happily ever after life... basically finding my match made in heaven....



But then something happened few days ago and it has led me to question this belief of mine... My two close friends drifted towards heaven....They were in love with these two guys for the past eight years.... their parents weren't too happy about the matches .... because both the guys belonged to a different religion and well they believed their daughters were doing the wrong thing since these "matches could not have been made in heaven" and hence weren't the right and acceptable choices for them.... the girls could not face the wrath of their parents and rather decided to face the wrath of the destiny and moved along to an after life in heaven....



Well this left me quite uncomfortable with myself and my belief... If this wasn't meant to be then what is... These four people spent a third of their life maintaining this relationship.... working towards nurturing their dream.... basing their every action and decision studies.... work.... work city everything towards fulfilling that one dream.... of hoping to have a happily ever after..... of growing old together....



Spending one third of your life nurturing a dream and then having to think/believe its not meant to be feels like betrayal.....If this was not meant to be then why did HE up there put this inception in their mind that they are meant to be together... that they are the "One" for each other... why make people work so hard in building a world of dreams and then just pulling that earth beneath their feet.... making them stretch so much... that, that string finally snaps



This really left me at odds end with myself.... I don't know if I believe in the maxim of Matches/Marriages made in heaven..... But, I definitely know that "YOU up there.... weren't definitely fair" !!!!

Random

Looking
Searching for
Colors that were
Reality once
On a canvas
That's mostly black
Sometimes in
Happy fuzzy moments Grey
A color on the canvas
I ironically don't want
Is red...
hearts completely
Spent and bled
And all I see in the color
Are lots of people lying dead.
Somewhere there has to be
A clearing
An opening
A door
And then from
The fuzzy moments of Grey
The canvas will turn clean white
Facilitating a new painting of
A beautiful sunset
Mystic dreamy valley
Roaring rivers
Will appear and magically
Create the colors
That were once there

One Letter Short of Danger

Listen, I'm sorry ... I really didn't mean to

Relax...I'm fine and you Don't need to apologize....

And the conversation became normal and after few minutes the question popped

"What is it.... Why does the anger even at a basic level unnerve you...As in so many times even when its not your fault you end up apologizing just to ease out the situation....What is it?"


Laughter... No it's no filmy crap or any dirty secret from my past that is embedded in my memory which scares me... Its just I don't like the concept of Anger.... One of those silly things "Anger is one letter short of Danger"

And with that answer I got a look of "Stop Bullshitting Me" and then I had to explain further

Anger according to me is the most damaging thing.... People's worst side comes out when they are angry.... It's reactions are short sighted.... Even the most virtuous people in History are known to have resorted to violence because of their anger. It makes us do things that we regret later and sometimes things that are unrepairable...

Yes I'm human and I do get angry too, but I prefer to go quite because it can create a lot of damage... Ill spoken words, violence what does it achieve... just bad feelings and a feeling of regret later.. When in a fight I either can fuel the fight by further speaking rudely else I can be the one to say sorry and end it there. Why carry on the fight and the tension and the ill-will and all??? Isn't it best to end it there...

The most virtuous of kings... Ashoka- The Great in his spite and anger led the conquest of Kalinga which led to a lot of destruction. The exact reason for the Wat of Kalinga is unknown but it is said that

Susima's brothers might have fled to Kalinga and found official refuge there. This enraged Ashoka immensely. Ashoka asked the royalty of Kalinga to submit before him but they refused.

Ashoka sent one of his generals to Kalinga to make them submit.

The general and his forces were completely routed through the skilled tact of Kalinga's commander-in-chief. Ashoka was baffled at this defeat and then attacked Kalinga with the greatest invasion ever known. The whole of Kalinga was plundered and destroyed. About 100,000 people were killed on the Kalinga side and 10,000 from Ashoka's army. This was the price of his anger. There after he felt remorse.

Whats the use of such anger which leads to pain and destruction for so many. So many times even when the anger doesn't come out and simmers within a person it is harmful. Yes even when I get angry and I go quiet .... I get this burning feeling inside and feel irritable and end up harming myself.. In my anger, I can't think rationally and can't do things in a proper manner, so yes even though I don't speak mean and I don't hurt the other person it does harm me...

So ya I do prefer letting the matter go with a simple sorry and that does help mellow the other person down and then talk it out with them and clear the misunderstanding.

Also when you re arrange the alphabets of Anger they come to Range and really I do feel that anger does harm and destroy everything in Range.... As in when a persons angry they end up being mean and rude to people who haven't even done anything...Your near and dear ones end up facing the brunt of someone else's mistakes or improper behavior....Just because of your anger, You lash out on everyone else and that's not fair or reasonable but that does happen.. So ya I feel Anger destroys things in Range.

So that's just the reason why I get un-nerved when I'm around people who are angry or when a similar situation.... I feel its prudent just to say Sorry and ease the situation at hand...And please you know I'm not bull-shitting now so trust me and let be...Lets enjoy the food

Fairytale - Be good

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel"

This is my biggest and strongest belief in my life and hence most of the time I behave in a manner that is befitting my belief.... As in there are many times when I'm doing certain things and honestly I'm not happy doing them but I still do them because I feel that people will remember my actions and some day when the circle completes that good turn will come my way.... and even if it doesn't at least I will definitely have this satisfaction of saying I was right and I'm glad I did nothing wrong in my anger.

But this sentence or belief has a much larger and stronger meaning and emphasis. A persons actions whether good or bad always remain with people. If someone unexpectedly or without any reason does a good turn... you end up feeling good and that good feeling stays. Similarly if someone was to act like a jerk without any reason there is this "what the hell" feeling and then it kind of stays for most part of the day.

Good deeds and actions done with or without a reason always bring a smile to people's face and that smile reaches their heart and stays as a memory. It's never forgotten. It becomes an anecdote to tell for a large part of people's life.

There's a reason why few sayings like "You will reap as you sow" or "One good deed deserves another" or "Life is a circle and you face your demons and niceness here" were made. They definitely hold true. And if you keep patience you see them unfold in front of your eyes.

I know its easier said than done, but even though a person might act mean and totally not nice, you as a person should not leave your ground and keep on being nice. The person at that time might not see your niceness or might take you for granted because you're nice. But one day, its my belief they do see things in retrospect and are filled with remorse at what they did or what they lost but sometimes by then its too late and they are left with nothing but guilt. Your good actions and behaviour will never go un-noticed.

I very strongly believe in fairy tales .... and also believe that any story that did not have a happy end cannot be a fairy tale and you have to keep patience to meet your fairy tale. But until then you have to keep on being good.... Every fairy tale has had the beautiful princess and a handsome prince but everything going against them and yet the princess and prince kept their niceness and fought their way through and only then did they receive a "Happily Ever After" and that's precisely how life is....Unfair and a long battle with lots of obstacles and eveil step mothers and dragons and curses but a person with a strong character maintaining his niceness only gets the Happily Ever After...

So Be GOOD.... There's always someone watching.... There's always someone's life you end up touching without knowing.... There are always hundreds silent good wishes given and prayers read for your niceness and you just never know which prayer reaches HIM and turns your life into a Happily Ever After Fairytale