Phoenix

I looked up the dictionary and i found these two definitions

-: a mythical bird of great beauty fabled to live 500 or 600 years in the Arabian wilderness, to burn itself on a funeral pyre, and to rise from its ashes in the freshness of youth and live through another cycle of years: often an emblem of immortality or of reborn idealism or hope.

-: a person or thing that has become renewed or restored after suffering calamity or apparent annihilation.

I as a person have always been very very infatuated by the whole concept and the metaphor the word phoenix applies too...the whole concept of regaining oneself from ashes; from being totally broken and burnt... the concept of a new life from ashes... its all very very interesting...

As a kid would always say I'm the phoenix when i had to bounce back from some major crisis in my life, yeah major crisis- friends not talking, friends plotting against you, not good enough scores, juvenile infatuation not working out... they did constitute of major crisis... and then we all grow up.

Though what i also realised, as i grew up, there is a Phoenix ability in all of us.. a defense mechanism that enables us to bounce back to life when it messes up... Shit keeps on happening many times in life, sometimes more sometimes less, its easy to bounce back when its trivial, but when its something significant, that's when this inherent ability in us comes to the foreground... and it does with everyone. Many of us momentarily might feel that this is it and we can't go on any more... feel that life has cheated on us... this is not how it was supposed to be.. but then we get up say "what the heck" can't keep moping around, slowly and steadily we get back to life and eventually with a vengeance.... This is the Phoenix ability in all of us...isn't it...

I am a die hard fan of the Harry Potter series, was reading it yet another time, I realised that the Order of Phoenix was not a name of co incidence. When Voldemort was at his peak trying to rule the wizarding world and torturing anyone who went against him, a group of wizards formed the Order to fight him and bring him down, almost a metaphor of people resurrecting out of nothing to attain a height. The Phoenix syndrome as i would call it

Whats even more fascinating and unprecedented is that in feng shui they use the Phoenix to clean you aura so that you attain fame and heights in whatever you do, and in real life when you do show the Phoenix ability you show yourself newer heights as a person, which were unimaginable to you.

So when you fall down and feel you want to give up and can't do no more... close your eyes and look within and you will find your own Phoenix in you.. Somewhere, waiting to be born again....

this time

Shit happens... we all know that's what life is all about... you win some you lose some... there is a lot that you plan... you even try for it.... yearn for it but sometimes life has just something else in store for you... it has a different plan...well that's life...at that moment it sucks because you feel betrayed... you try and seek lots of answers... you evaluate a lot.... there are lots of what ifs... what if i had done this ... what if i had done that.... sometimes you really don't understand why it happened and you are left completely flabbergasted... with the "what the hell" expression... but you still evaluate and in the process...that's when the feeling of self doubt seeps in....you try and ask am i not good enough.... where did i go wrong....you play a blame game and somehow it starts and ends at you....people around you try and tell you its not you...they care...they love...it helps sometimes it doesn't...but that's not whats important...whats important it with every trial..there is a lot more connected.... the time that it takes to heal and come out of the situation... brings with it a lot of change.....

change that makes you, a new you after the healing process is over... the changes that come over a person when the hurt is over...people add to their personality people lose a lot of them behind... many call it the learning process what you have learnt from the whole situation.. and actually that's what i have been thinking about... before the situation happened you were someone, living a very content and a normal life... you were accepted and appreciated... then is that change that comes about you now, good or bad.... whatever you may gain from the situation is definitely good but what about what you lose... sometimes people take a lot of you with them when they hurt you... is that good too????

so this time when you're hurt or lost to a situation one has to see what you gain as a person or how much have you lost of yourself as a person.... coz either of these has to happen no person remains unaffected... not even those who say they are strong ones and say " i don't care a fuck"... unconsciously they get affected in some way if not as much

good enough

Trying is about attempting... attempting to walk towards what you want...getting what you want.. lots of songs are made on "trying" ... when the going gets tough tougher gets going... or phrases like never give up... tag lines "just do it" but the big question being.... how long does one try for... i mean what is your limit of trying and attempting... i mean when do you say I've had enough and you stop trying and give up... wait for what life has in store for you... wait how people judge you now, now that you have stop trying... is your extent of trying somewhere interlinked with you ego.... I mean in the sense what people will say if i don't try any further sorts... your ego failing when you give up.... your ego being jolted when people say shit....

I know winners are people who have tried a lot... and hence they have won.....they have put in a lot of effort into getting what they wanted... but are those people who tried to their best limit and couldn't get where they wanted to, to be termed as losers... don't they get any respect....i mean they tried too didn't they... they did do their best...is their best not good enough

i don't know ... just few random thoughts that crossed my mind.... its just a question of how important a thing is and how long do you chose to try without letting anyone term you as a failure...