Happy Birthday Mom

 

There’s no bond quite like that between mother and child. You know me in ways no one else ever will. You also see in me all the things I can still become and continue having faith that I can do and be whatever I want, no matter what my age. You are my biggest fan, my mentor, my confidant, my hero, my turn-to person when my world comes crashing down and the first person I call to tell when things are going great. The comfort that comes from our friendship, the confidence that your faith in me instils, and your unquestioning support of whatever I do, is irreplaceable. The kind of there-for-me that you are is the very essence of what makes a great mother. The last few years have been quite tough on you thanks to my good health. You can’t imagine what your being there has meant to me. There have been times where you felt helpless and your patience ran out and you have screamed at me, but I guess the ups and downs we’ve had in these years, you too needed to vent out. I don’t know what to say because since the last 3 years your life mainly revolves around me due to which many a times Bhav and Adi lose their patience and fight with you, all I can say is Thanks Mum and I wear your unconditional love and support around me like a big hug every single day.

I am so blessed to have you in my life. I’ve probably said it before — you are my angel on earth and maybe the only person I can pour my heart too. You truly are the world’s bestest friend. Thank you for always, always being at my side and having my back. No one is in by my side quite the way you are. No one understands me the way you do which sometimes leads to a lot of criticism from you, which when I think with a cool head always is beneficial for me. There are times when I’m stubborn like hell but then Mumma, I am a Chhatwani and a Capricornian so can’t help that. I am sorry for that coz it really irritates you. I treasure you, mother, and love you more than life itself. You are an amazing person ever ready to learn something new, always open to different opinions and ideas, and so compassionate and kind. You have always taught by example whatever you have experienced in your life, you try that we don’t commit mistakes and get hurt and sometimes we listen, but what I admire the most about you is that inspite of warning us and advising us if we still want to do a certain thing you give us room to commit our errors and mistakes and learn from them; even though when we fall you know it will hurt us and in turn hurt you even more. I hope you break 100 with good health and a strong mind. There’ll never be a day in my life when I won’t need you.

Just a small quick reminder that I love you and I’m here for you too. Please remember that. And don’t worry you’re seeing that I am making every possible effort, I shall get better soon and we shall travel a lot and create new memories.

Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday, mom. You make the world a better place.

Love you hell a lot, Big Hug and a Big Kiss

Aisi Vaani Boliye .... Oran ko Bhi Sheetal Kare.... Aap hu Sheetal hoe

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel...

This is a Mantra I’ve grown up with.... My mom always stressed upon and always said “Behave in a manner that you would like if someone was to do to you” hence I’ve tried to measure my words before speaking or evaluate my actions ... because of which sometimes I’ve been called calculative and a snob... either of which I believe I’m not.... Also I’m not trying to say I have been perfect and have never hurt a person... well that’s something that’s impossible.... what I’m saying is that I’ve always genuinely tried that I don’t do something that could make a person feel bad....

Anyways in the last few years there have been few incidences that have symbolically reiterated this Mantra over and again.

Few days back I bumped into a school friend whom I had had a fall out with as school was coming to an end. We hadn’t spoken since then. I saw her and we exchanged pleasantries and I asked her if she wanted to join me for a cup of coffee... she was hesitant but she agreed... trying to remain polite I asked if it was all good ... sitting for the coffee and all and hoping I hadn’t put her in a tight spot in anyway... and she laughed off saying “So you haven’t changed much it seems... Old habits die hard it seems...always measuring your words and actions” ... well I didn’t know how to react and I just smiled.... Our coffee came and we were exchanging notes on our life when she out of nowhere just started off... “Listen, I don’t even remember why we had a fall out.... I guess we were immature and stupid... But if you don’t mind lets mend the bridges”. Obviously I was slightly taken aback but very happily I agreed too... Not like I remember why had gotten bitter with each other....

We started getting nostalgic and reminiscing the old days when she told me, “You remember the music competition we had gone for.... I still can’t forget what you did... I had a hoarse throat and was really nervous about how I would be able to sing... but you not only comforted me through words but you from somewhere arranged warm water and disprins for me so that I could gargle and get myself into a position to sing... It’s truly because of you that I won that day”

I was so surprised that on my way back I just kept thinking that a small gesture of care and concern made such an impact that she remembers it till yet...

This got me thinking about my brother’s wedding that took place 2 years ago... obviously we had family and guests from all over and its a custom “atithi devo bhava” that you consider your guess above all... and that’s what I tried too... we used to have breakfasts and lunches at home before the main functions... so the whole family used to be together having lunch and we kids would help out a little by calling everyone or helping serve the breads and other necessary things around...for those 3-5 days till the guests were around.... Before leaving my Maternal Uncle specially called my mum and had a word with her. He went on to tell her that they had a wonderful time and there was nothing more that they could ask for in terms of how much we looked after them. He then added, about me, that your daughter has been exceptional. She made sure that this little girl provided breads and whatever drinks we asked for and only after she had made sure everyone was well looked after for did she sit for her own meal. She remembered everyone’s likings and then made sure that people get what they like. My Maternal uncle told my Mom that he would never be able to forgot the way I took care of them.

This had surprised me because according to me I had done nothing extra ordinary.... it was just something small that I did which eventually just stayed with them...

So the mantra came in front of us again - People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel..

I told mom about these incidences and she said it was bound to happen... we have taught you were your childhood to evaluate and do things and measure what you saw because people never forget how you make them feel and this not only stands for the nice things you do for people but nasty things too....

People eventually with the passage of time forget the nasty words but rarely do they forget the hurt they felt then... the humiliation they had been put through and this is what culminates into grudges that are kept for long long after the bitter incidences.....

So just try and keep a check on what you say and do.... Its always a pleasant feeling when someone remembers you with warmth and care...

My Knight(s) in the Shining Armour

Every girl grows up listening to the story of the Knight in the Shining Armour... of how her groom, her prince will come from a far away land and love her earnestly.... take care of her... dote upon her through ill will... who would be the one to stand beside her when any danger comes upon her.... Well, these stories get ever more melodramatic when the girl is dressed in her fineries and is looking all pretty... I grew up listening to these too... I have truly been a fairytale girl... listening and reading them up avidly and quite so believing in them too.

But. on an occasion in my younger years I sat and thought... this knight in shining armour would come when I am to be married but what about till then.... whose going to be my knight till then... the person who will stand by me and make sure nothing wrong happens to me... that day onwards I conjured up my knights from the real world... who I have always believed that I could just hide behind and every dark phase in my life would just vanish.

Yes, like every girl... the first knight I came up with was my Daddy.... I have always lived by that advertisement motto “My daddy strongest”.... my first and foremost super hero.... I’ve always known that with pa around nothing in this world could or can touch me.

Also, once when we were younger on the occasion of Rakhi we were taught the duty of a sister and a brother. How the sister is to pray for the long life of her brothers and in turn the brothers have to safeguard their sister from anything and everything in the world. Naturally, my four brothers were my second set of knights that I invented... With my two elder brothers and my two little brothers around I knew no sorrow could touch me.... I’ve experienced the bestest in my life with them and I was allowed to get adventurous too... after all my brothers were with me ... so what could go wrong...

My two Brothers in laws and my two cousins came next guiding me through the rough and tenuous patches.... Doting upon me and caring for me like no one else could.... I was always the little doll... pampered silly by them... I guess my petite structure always was an advantage for me... I’ve grown up to be an adult but I’m still treated like a small doll by them and doted fervently by them....

Last but not the least the only other person who took up the ‘knight’ spot was my Mama (maternal uncle)... they say that the word Mama is actually Ma – Ma... 2 times the mother and that’s how my mother’s younger brother has been... loving me like crazy and looking out for me just like a mother would....

I have a reason why I have narrated all this... Yesterday, I was just thinking.... Which person in the world would be able to match up to any of these “Knights”.... is it even possible.... Till date I feel that when anything bad happens I can hide behind any one of these and “lumos” (spell of Harry Potter to create light) there the darkness will vanish... I mean I understand that if at this age I was to physically do it... it would be a tad bit embarrassing but trust me I meant it just figuratively, though I’m quite capable of doing it too... but that’s another matter.... what I’m trying to say is... Would there actually be a person who can match up to any of em... Sheesh sometimes it really is not a good thing to be creative and live fairytales in your real life... This is what happens...

Three Cheers for my Knights (you’ll always be my Knights for life..... Yes, you’ve been bound to that duty for life unknowingly) and big big hugs to you.... I love you and this is an ode to you....

Suranya and Me

Yesterday my niece, Suranya was over and its a ritual... at her bed time I have to tell her stories and my little naughty girl tries to make me compete with her paternal aunt Nidhi.... After 1 or 2 stories when I try to get her to bed she always tells me " But My Nidhi Bua tells me so many stories" and I guess she does that with Nidhi too... Well these little kids sure are getting manupilative fast... Anyways thats not what I intended to write about....

Yesterday I was telling her a story and telling her how all kids should listen to their parents... and bad things happen when kids act naughty and dont listen to parents and how Mumma and Papa are the best and they make everything right....

And suddenly she blurted out " But My Dad is Fat" and I was stunned for a moment and then I had to think quick and tell her simple facts that My dad her maternal grand dad is fat too... but he's my super hero .... And so with time She finally asked "So Even though my dad is fat... He is my super hero... right???" and I was like thats absolutely how it is honey....

Its after she slept I kept thinking .... "Where did she draw the corelation of her dad being Fat and hence not being a super hero" and I realised that when we show our kids super hero movies and cartoons.... there is this imagery we're drawing in their head and hence when someone spells out SuperHero for them .... Someone super fit... super strong comes to their mind which to me is a buserque idea... I mean all these superheros batman, heman, superman, spiderman etcetera ... they make a good watch but they are flawed, unreal and absolutely fictious characters.... Thats where they should be limited to....

Children do need to be taught the difference between reel and real.... I mean parents, guides, friends, philosphers, pillars in life... they are the true superheros.... I mean what is a superhero.... Someone who guides you in times of trouble .... Someone whose there to watch out for you... your safety net.... and who other than the above mentioned people fall in that category....

So basically when she got up in the evening we were playing and I was talking to her and she again tried to verify with me " My Papa is fat but He's the best... right ??" and I controlled my laughter and had this funny proud feeling and I was like "Yes honey, absolutely... Mumma and Papa are always the best"

Arbitrariness

There have been few things that have been happening around the world and when I see the way people respond to these it gets me all Mad and Irritable....

I mean they are completely absurd and arbitrary.... Yes, in few situations I might seem cynical but I still don't understand the purpose behind it......

A few days ago, A girl was murdered in broad daylight in Delhi. She was a student of Delhi University, though the happening did not take place anywhere near the north campus... Ofcourse, everyone was shocked with what happened.... I mean it happened in front of so many people...... No one even tried to stop the purpetrators..... No one helped the poor girl or rushed her to the hospital.... People just stood there as imbecils till the police arrived.... Your heart goes out when something so absurd happens...

But... Hey, Whats with making Facebook groups to show solidarity and your concern and your sympathy for the family.... I mean why create a whole facade and drama of the whole thing... I mean ya I remember the Jessica Lal case and I also saw "No one killed Jessica" and I understand the importance of how the criminals need to be put behind bars and in situations when it doesnt happen the public needs to raise their voice.....But, again that's different than the facebook groups..... it seems like a sham...


Well, things get worse when they are politicized..... The very next day after the incidence the youth political parties took the agenda and started blocking trafiic and creating chaos in the north campus..... Again...hello... Whats with the roudiness and how the hell is that going to help.... I mean it doesnt help catch the criminals and trust me I dont understand what way of showing solidarity and compassion is this???? If at all something happened.... it got people harrowed and irritable because they were stuck in traffic.... Got people on the public transport little scared, for there was a riot being created in the public transport by these youth politicians and of course lots of names were hurled in voice and in mind for the youth politicians by the public...our Aam Janta

Well in the same week another horrible incident happend...Japan was hit by a massive earthquake and a terrible Tsunami.... I'm still slightly confused about the nuclear damage... as in I know that two reactors have blown off but I dont know if they have created nuclear catastrophe or not.....

What I want to say is anyone under this planet who saw the damage and the aftermath of the natural disaster and how badly it has effected the country of Japan, I would be shocked if they weren't shaken... If they weren't effected and prayers didnt go out well they really dont deserve to be called human....
On the other hand what I didnt understand were the BBMs that were being forwarded.... I mean it wasnt one of those chain forwards for which mobile companies or other institutions collect money for every message forwarded for the cause... If that was the case trust me I would fwd it to everyone I knew ... But this was futile......
I get slightly cynic when someone fwds me such msgs to pray and all... Coz for me this is something that comes from the heart and otherwise I feel its all a charade....I know when I voiced my opinion upon this my family also found it ludicrous saying that "No, such messages only put the point across stronger, otherwise people get busy in their personal lives and forget"

But, then I thought.... Everybody does get busy and moves on... I'm sure people in Japan too have even though they kept feeling the after shocks and are said to feel them for another week...But I'm sure it wont stop them from living their life.... But like everyone else they too whenever they think of the horor will send out a silent prayer... Just like all of us who are sitting miles away.... We might get busy.... but even when this topic will come up even for conversation sake we will invariably call out a silent prayer.... That's human tendency ....

I dont know I feel unless voicing emotions helps in doing something positive... you should let it be... Sometimes Pain is personal......
again I know many people might not appreciate my cynicism but then I too have a different view and different perception.....

Conveniently Yours…

Convenience – a word that im trying to figure out…

I mean as a child I thought it meant something that came in handy…

But as we grew up and became bitchy the meaning of the word got slightly degraded… and then we matured a little more and the meaning for me has become a little shady…. I mean I kind of don’t understand the word anymore and I’m trying to figure that out only….

I was talking to this friend of mine and discussing about the same and I said that what I figure out of that word is a person who you think you’re so close to that you take them for granted in absolute sense….as in this is someone you want to be there for and they mean a lot but somehow when you start figuring out the scheme of things, they just don’t seem to figure or get lost in the back ground with a thought “its ok …. Its XYZ… not like they’re running away” and when you have time you conveniently place them back….

At that my friend got cheesed off and sounded me off saying I had gotten too cynical about things….. and that’s how life is and everybody has a life…. and people need to do things…… and we’re not children anymore….. and we have more pressures on us…. and now we don’t have time like we used to and yada yada yada

How come is it you always take a back seat when you need standing up or that extra hour with them… how come you never figure out even though you’re a priority and when you try to complain you become the selfish bitch…. How come you’re the one left to “Hey Understand Ya”…

Well we had our coffee and came back… for a little time I felt guilty also that ya I’m wrong and of course how can I expect anything else… and maybe I’m wrong only and I need to grow up…

But then I sat down at night and I thought… Fine agreed to everything she said…But what I’m saying is not wrong to… if this is not convenience what is…

When you need someone and they’re not there….when they are jobless and comfortable in life they are there to support and but when life starts becoming bitchy for them how come you with your problems become the selfish prick around…. They pick a nice comfortable time “Oh it’s a Sunday let me be a little generous and prove that I’m there”….

Well trust me I understand that people have their own thing and can’t be there for you 24/7 or always when you need them, they have a life of their own.. I’m talking about when people 9 times out of 10 use that “busy” excuse and conveniently come around 1 time…..

Well for me that’s definitely not the case of “I’m there for you”… it’s more a case of when it’s convenient for me then I’ll be magnanimous and be there for you…

So that’s what I’ve figured out in the past couple of days whenever I think about the word Convenience…. What do you say???

Marriages are Made in Heaven

I had my first Heart break as a teenager and my mother came and empathized with me and comforted me and said " Honey, Don't Worry This was not meant to be, After all Matches are made in Heaven"



And we have all grown up hearing things to the same effect "Darling you will find your soul mate in time and after all Matches are made in heaven" .... "Sweety, there is a prince/princess waiting for you somewhere, its all destiny when you will find your match. They are made in heaven" and the list of such statements by our friends, philosophers, Guides... basically all our loved ones just goes on and on...


In India, arranged marriages are quite popular and people work on this very concept while making eligible grooms and brides meet.... It's all destiny child... Wait and Watch.... You'll meet your "One".... It's all made UP there.... Well you may have to parade around and meet 10 -20 more people just to find your "One"... But then you have to work hard to ultimate reap the benefits of "A happily ever after life"... Our Parents, grand parents that's how they got married and hence have passed this belief along generations...


One of my friends got married to their own best friend, they had known each other since play school... Obviously there was no plan as such then and not even as they grew up.... they dated other people, were always each others shoulder to cry on to rely on.... When the became marriageable age their families started looking for suitable matches in fact they even floated the idea of both of them marrying to each other but they turned it down and were looking out for people, even more so they were helping each other meet other people for marriage... it just turned out that both of them didn't realize when they had fallen for each other and then like every fairy tale they are living happily ever after..... And Oh ya as they got married they also did get to hear "See We told you. you're made for each other and this match was made in heaven"....


The point being yes I did believe in this till a few days ago.... I did believe in that fairytale story of my prince charming coming one day.... ya maybe like not on a horse and all or waking me up from my slumber sleep of 99 years or from the death bed casket...but ya the prince, the works of the fairytale and that happily ever after life... basically finding my match made in heaven....



But then something happened few days ago and it has led me to question this belief of mine... My two close friends drifted towards heaven....They were in love with these two guys for the past eight years.... their parents weren't too happy about the matches .... because both the guys belonged to a different religion and well they believed their daughters were doing the wrong thing since these "matches could not have been made in heaven" and hence weren't the right and acceptable choices for them.... the girls could not face the wrath of their parents and rather decided to face the wrath of the destiny and moved along to an after life in heaven....



Well this left me quite uncomfortable with myself and my belief... If this wasn't meant to be then what is... These four people spent a third of their life maintaining this relationship.... working towards nurturing their dream.... basing their every action and decision studies.... work.... work city everything towards fulfilling that one dream.... of hoping to have a happily ever after..... of growing old together....



Spending one third of your life nurturing a dream and then having to think/believe its not meant to be feels like betrayal.....If this was not meant to be then why did HE up there put this inception in their mind that they are meant to be together... that they are the "One" for each other... why make people work so hard in building a world of dreams and then just pulling that earth beneath their feet.... making them stretch so much... that, that string finally snaps



This really left me at odds end with myself.... I don't know if I believe in the maxim of Matches/Marriages made in heaven..... But, I definitely know that "YOU up there.... weren't definitely fair" !!!!