random beginnings

Aisi Vaani Boliye .... Oran ko Bhi Sheetal Kare.... Aap hu Sheetal hoe

2011-07-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel...

This is a Mantra I’ve grown up with.... My mom always stressed upon and always said “Behave in a manner that you would like if someone was to do to you” hence I’ve tried to measure my words before speaking or evaluate my actions ... because of which sometimes I’ve been called calculative and a snob... either of which I believe I’m not.... Also I’m not trying to say I have been perfect and have never hurt a person... well that’s something that’s impossible.... what I’m saying is that I’ve always genuinely tried that I don’t do something that could make a person feel bad....

Anyways in the last few years there have been few incidences that have symbolically reiterated this Mantra over and again.

Few days back I bumped into a school friend whom I had had a fall out with as school was coming to an end. We hadn’t spoken since then. I saw her and we exchanged pleasantries and I asked her if she wanted to join me for a cup of coffee... she was hesitant but she agreed... trying to remain polite I asked if it was all good ... sitting for the coffee and all and hoping I hadn’t put her in a tight spot in anyway... and she laughed off saying “So you haven’t changed much it seems... Old habits die hard it seems...always measuring your words and actions” ... well I didn’t know how to react and I just smiled.... Our coffee came and we were exchanging notes on our life when she out of nowhere just started off... “Listen, I don’t even remember why we had a fall out.... I guess we were immature and stupid... But if you don’t mind lets mend the bridges”. Obviously I was slightly taken aback but very happily I agreed too... Not like I remember why had gotten bitter with each other....

We started getting nostalgic and reminiscing the old days when she told me, “You remember the music competition we had gone for.... I still can’t forget what you did... I had a hoarse throat and was really nervous about how I would be able to sing... but you not only comforted me through words but you from somewhere arranged warm water and disprins for me so that I could gargle and get myself into a position to sing... It’s truly because of you that I won that day”

I was so surprised that on my way back I just kept thinking that a small gesture of care and concern made such an impact that she remembers it till yet...

This got me thinking about my brother’s wedding that took place 2 years ago... obviously we had family and guests from all over and its a custom “atithi devo bhava” that you consider your guess above all... and that’s what I tried too... we used to have breakfasts and lunches at home before the main functions... so the whole family used to be together having lunch and we kids would help out a little by calling everyone or helping serve the breads and other necessary things around...for those 3-5 days till the guests were around.... Before leaving my Maternal Uncle specially called my mum and had a word with her. He went on to tell her that they had a wonderful time and there was nothing more that they could ask for in terms of how much we looked after them. He then added, about me, that your daughter has been exceptional. She made sure that this little girl provided breads and whatever drinks we asked for and only after she had made sure everyone was well looked after for did she sit for her own meal. She remembered everyone’s likings and then made sure that people get what they like. My Maternal uncle told my Mom that he would never be able to forgot the way I took care of them.

This had surprised me because according to me I had done nothing extra ordinary.... it was just something small that I did which eventually just stayed with them...

So the mantra came in front of us again - People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel..

I told mom about these incidences and she said it was bound to happen... we have taught you were your childhood to evaluate and do things and measure what you saw because people never forget how you make them feel and this not only stands for the nice things you do for people but nasty things too....

People eventually with the passage of time forget the nasty words but rarely do they forget the hurt they felt then... the humiliation they had been put through and this is what culminates into grudges that are kept for long long after the bitter incidences.....

So just try and keep a check on what you say and do.... Its always a pleasant feeling when someone remembers you with warmth and care...

My Knight(s) in the Shining Armour

2011-07-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

Every girl grows up listening to the story of the Knight in the Shining Armour... of how her groom, her prince will come from a far away land and love her earnestly.... take care of her... dote upon her through ill will... who would be the one to stand beside her when any danger comes upon her.... Well, these stories get ever more melodramatic when the girl is dressed in her fineries and is looking all pretty... I grew up listening to these too... I have truly been a fairytale girl... listening and reading them up avidly and quite so believing in them too.

But. on an occasion in my younger years I sat and thought... this knight in shining armour would come when I am to be married but what about till then.... whose going to be my knight till then... the person who will stand by me and make sure nothing wrong happens to me... that day onwards I conjured up my knights from the real world... who I have always believed that I could just hide behind and every dark phase in my life would just vanish.

Yes, like every girl... the first knight I came up with was my Daddy.... I have always lived by that advertisement motto “My daddy strongest”.... my first and foremost super hero.... I’ve always known that with pa around nothing in this world could or can touch me.

Also, once when we were younger on the occasion of Rakhi we were taught the duty of a sister and a brother. How the sister is to pray for the long life of her brothers and in turn the brothers have to safeguard their sister from anything and everything in the world. Naturally, my four brothers were my second set of knights that I invented... With my two elder brothers and my two little brothers around I knew no sorrow could touch me.... I’ve experienced the bestest in my life with them and I was allowed to get adventurous too... after all my brothers were with me ... so what could go wrong...

My two Brothers in laws and my two cousins came next guiding me through the rough and tenuous patches.... Doting upon me and caring for me like no one else could.... I was always the little doll... pampered silly by them... I guess my petite structure always was an advantage for me... I’ve grown up to be an adult but I’m still treated like a small doll by them and doted fervently by them....

Last but not the least the only other person who took up the ‘knight’ spot was my Mama (maternal uncle)... they say that the word Mama is actually Ma – Ma... 2 times the mother and that’s how my mother’s younger brother has been... loving me like crazy and looking out for me just like a mother would....

I have a reason why I have narrated all this... Yesterday, I was just thinking.... Which person in the world would be able to match up to any of these “Knights”.... is it even possible.... Till date I feel that when anything bad happens I can hide behind any one of these and “lumos” (spell of Harry Potter to create light) there the darkness will vanish... I mean I understand that if at this age I was to physically do it... it would be a tad bit embarrassing but trust me I meant it just figuratively, though I’m quite capable of doing it too... but that’s another matter.... what I’m trying to say is... Would there actually be a person who can match up to any of em... Sheesh sometimes it really is not a good thing to be creative and live fairytales in your real life... This is what happens...

Three Cheers for my Knights (you’ll always be my Knights for life..... Yes, you’ve been bound to that duty for life unknowingly) and big big hugs to you.... I love you and this is an ode to you....

Suranya and Me

2011-06-19T11:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my niece, Suranya was over and its a ritual... at her bed time I have to tell her stories and my little naughty girl tries to make me compete with her paternal aunt Nidhi.... After 1 or 2 stories when I try to get her to bed she always tells me " But My Nidhi Bua tells me so many stories" and I guess she does that with Nidhi too... Well these little kids sure are getting manupilative fast... Anyways thats not what I intended to write about....

Yesterday I was telling her a story and telling her how all kids should listen to their parents... and bad things happen when kids act naughty and dont listen to parents and how Mumma and Papa are the best and they make everything right....

And suddenly she blurted out " But My Dad is Fat" and I was stunned for a moment and then I had to think quick and tell her simple facts that My dad her maternal grand dad is fat too... but he's my super hero .... And so with time She finally asked "So Even though my dad is fat... He is my super hero... right???" and I was like thats absolutely how it is honey....

Its after she slept I kept thinking .... "Where did she draw the corelation of her dad being Fat and hence not being a super hero" and I realised that when we show our kids super hero movies and cartoons.... there is this imagery we're drawing in their head and hence when someone spells out SuperHero for them .... Someone super fit... super strong comes to their mind which to me is a buserque idea... I mean all these superheros batman, heman, superman, spiderman etcetera ... they make a good watch but they are flawed, unreal and absolutely fictious characters.... Thats where they should be limited to....

Children do need to be taught the difference between reel and real.... I mean parents, guides, friends, philosphers, pillars in life... they are the true superheros.... I mean what is a superhero.... Someone who guides you in times of trouble .... Someone whose there to watch out for you... your safety net.... and who other than the above mentioned people fall in that category....

So basically when she got up in the evening we were playing and I was talking to her and she again tried to verify with me " My Papa is fat but He's the best... right ??" and I controlled my laughter and had this funny proud feeling and I was like "Yes honey, absolutely... Mumma and Papa are always the best"

Arbitrariness

2011-03-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

There have been few things that have been happening around the world and when I see the way people respond to these it gets me all Mad and Irritable....

I mean they are completely absurd and arbitrary.... Yes, in few situations I might seem cynical but I still don't understand the purpose behind it......

A few days ago, A girl was murdered in broad daylight in Delhi. She was a student of Delhi University, though the happening did not take place anywhere near the north campus... Ofcourse, everyone was shocked with what happened.... I mean it happened in front of so many people...... No one even tried to stop the purpetrators..... No one helped the poor girl or rushed her to the hospital.... People just stood there as imbecils till the police arrived.... Your heart goes out when something so absurd happens...

But... Hey, Whats with making Facebook groups to show solidarity and your concern and your sympathy for the family.... I mean why create a whole facade and drama of the whole thing... I mean ya I remember the Jessica Lal case and I also saw "No one killed Jessica" and I understand the importance of how the criminals need to be put behind bars and in situations when it doesnt happen the public needs to raise their voice.....But, again that's different than the facebook groups..... it seems like a sham...

Well, things get worse when they are politicized..... The very next day after the incidence the youth political parties took the agenda and started blocking trafiic and creating chaos in the north campus..... Again...hello... Whats with the roudiness and how the hell is that going to help.... I mean it doesnt help catch the criminals and trust me I dont understand what way of showing solidarity and compassion is this???? If at all something happened.... it got people harrowed and irritable because they were stuck in traffic.... Got people on the public transport little scared, for there was a riot being created in the public transport by these youth politicians and of course lots of names were hurled in voice and in mind for the youth politicians by the public...our Aam Janta

Well in the same week another horrible incident happend...Japan was hit by a massive earthquake and a terrible Tsunami.... I'm still slightly confused about the nuclear damage... as in I know that two reactors have blown off but I dont know if they have created nuclear catastrophe or not.....

What I want to say is anyone under this planet who saw the damage and the aftermath of the natural disaster and how badly it has effected the country of Japan, I would be shocked if they weren't shaken... If they weren't effected and prayers didnt go out well they really dont deserve to be called human....
On the other hand what I didnt understand were the BBMs that were being forwarded.... I mean it wasnt one of those chain forwards for which mobile companies or other institutions collect money for every message forwarded for the cause... If that was the case trust me I would fwd it to everyone I knew ... But this was futile......
I get slightly cynic when someone fwds me such msgs to pray and all... Coz for me this is something that comes from the heart and otherwise I feel its all a charade....I know when I voiced my opinion upon this my family also found it ludicrous saying that "No, such messages only put the point across stronger, otherwise people get busy in their personal lives and forget"

But, then I thought.... Everybody does get busy and moves on... I'm sure people in Japan too have even though they kept feeling the after shocks and are said to feel them for another week...But I'm sure it wont stop them from living their life.... But like everyone else they too whenever they think of the horor will send out a silent prayer... Just like all of us who are sitting miles away.... We might get busy.... but even when this topic will come up even for conversation sake we will invariably call out a silent prayer.... That's human tendency ....

I dont know I feel unless voicing emotions helps in doing something positive... you should let it be... Sometimes Pain is personal......
again I know many people might not appreciate my cynicism but then I too have a different view and different perception.....

Conveniently Yours…

2010-10-23T07:33:00.000-07:00

Convenience – a word that im trying to figure out…

I mean as a child I thought it meant something that came in handy…

But as we grew up and became bitchy the meaning of the word got slightly degraded… and then we matured a little more and the meaning for me has become a little shady…. I mean I kind of don’t understand the word anymore and I’m trying to figure that out only….

I was talking to this friend of mine and discussing about the same and I said that what I figure out of that word is a person who you think you’re so close to that you take them for granted in absolute sense….as in this is someone you want to be there for and they mean a lot but somehow when you start figuring out the scheme of things, they just don’t seem to figure or get lost in the back ground with a thought “its ok …. Its XYZ… not like they’re running away” and when you have time you conveniently place them back….

At that my friend got cheesed off and sounded me off saying I had gotten too cynical about things….. and that’s how life is and everybody has a life…. and people need to do things…… and we’re not children anymore….. and we have more pressures on us…. and now we don’t have time like we used to and yada yada yada

How come is it you always take a back seat when you need standing up or that extra hour with them… how come you never figure out even though you’re a priority and when you try to complain you become the selfish bitch…. How come you’re the one left to “Hey Understand Ya”…

Well we had our coffee and came back… for a little time I felt guilty also that ya I’m wrong and of course how can I expect anything else… and maybe I’m wrong only and I need to grow up…

But then I sat down at night and I thought… Fine agreed to everything she said…But what I’m saying is not wrong to… if this is not convenience what is…

When you need someone and they’re not there….when they are jobless and comfortable in life they are there to support and but when life starts becoming bitchy for them how come you with your problems become the selfish prick around…. They pick a nice comfortable time “Oh it’s a Sunday let me be a little generous and prove that I’m there”….

Well trust me I understand that people have their own thing and can’t be there for you 24/7 or always when you need them, they have a life of their own.. I’m talking about when people 9 times out of 10 use that “busy” excuse and conveniently come around 1 time…..

Well for me that’s definitely not the case of “I’m there for you”… it’s more a case of when it’s convenient for me then I’ll be magnanimous and be there for you…

So that’s what I’ve figured out in the past couple of days whenever I think about the word Convenience…. What do you say???

Marriages are Made in Heaven

2010-08-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

I had my first Heart break as a teenager and my mother came and empathized with me and comforted me and said " Honey, Don't Worry This was not meant to be, After all Matches are made in Heaven"

And we have all grown up hearing things to the same effect "Darling you will find your soul mate in time and after all Matches are made in heaven" .... "Sweety, there is a prince/princess waiting for you somewhere, its all destiny when you will find your match. They are made in heaven" and the list of such statements by our friends, philosophers, Guides... basically all our loved ones just goes on and on...

In India, arranged marriages are quite popular and people work on this very concept while making eligible grooms and brides meet.... It's all destiny child... Wait and Watch.... You'll meet your "One".... It's all made UP there.... Well you may have to parade around and meet 10 -20 more people just to find your "One"... But then you have to work hard to ultimate reap the benefits of "A happily ever after life"... Our Parents, grand parents that's how they got married and hence have passed this belief along generations...

One of my friends got married to their own best friend, they had known each other since play school... Obviously there was no plan as such then and not even as they grew up.... they dated other people, were always each others shoulder to cry on to rely on.... When the became marriageable age their families started looking for suitable matches in fact they even floated the idea of both of them marrying to each other but they turned it down and were looking out for people, even more so they were helping each other meet other people for marriage... it just turned out that both of them didn't realize when they had fallen for each other and then like every fairy tale they are living happily ever after..... And Oh ya as they got married they also did get to hear "See We told you. you're made for each other and this match was made in heaven"....

The point being yes I did believe in this till a few days ago.... I did believe in that fairytale story of my prince charming coming one day.... ya maybe like not on a horse and all or waking me up from my slumber sleep of 99 years or from the death bed casket...but ya the prince, the works of the fairytale and that happily ever after life... basically finding my match made in heaven....

But then something happened few days ago and it has led me to question this belief of mine... My two close friends drifted towards heaven....They were in love with these two guys for the past eight years.... their parents weren't too happy about the matches .... because both the guys belonged to a different religion and well they believed their daughters were doing the wrong thing since these "matches could not have been made in heaven" and hence weren't the right and acceptable choices for them.... the girls could not face the wrath of their parents and rather decided to face the wrath of the destiny and moved along to an after life in heaven....

Well this left me quite uncomfortable with myself and my belief... If this wasn't meant to be then what is... These four people spent a third of their life maintaining this relationship.... working towards nurturing their dream.... basing their every action and decision studies.... work.... work city everything towards fulfilling that one dream.... of hoping to have a happily ever after..... of growing old together....

Spending one third of your life nurturing a dream and then having to think/believe its not meant to be feels like betrayal.....If this was not meant to be then why did HE up there put this inception in their mind that they are meant to be together... that they are the "One" for each other... why make people work so hard in building a world of dreams and then just pulling that earth beneath their feet.... making them stretch so much... that, that string finally snaps

This really left me at odds end with myself.... I don't know if I believe in the maxim of Matches/Marriages made in heaven..... But, I definitely know that "YOU up there.... weren't definitely fair" !!!!

Random

2010-05-25T12:21:00.000-07:00

Looking
Searching for
Colors that were
Reality once
On a canvas
That's mostly black
Sometimes in
Happy fuzzy moments Grey
A color on the canvas
I ironically don't want
Is red...
hearts completely
Spent and bled
And all I see in the color
Are lots of people lying dead.
Somewhere there has to be
A clearing
An opening
A door
And then from
The fuzzy moments of Grey
The canvas will turn clean white
Facilitating a new painting of
A beautiful sunset
Mystic dreamy valley
Roaring rivers
Will appear and magically
Create the colors
That were once there

One Letter Short of Danger

2010-03-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

Listen, I'm sorry ... I really didn't mean to

Relax...I'm fine and you Don't need to apologize....

And the conversation became normal and after few minutes the question popped

"What is it.... Why does the anger even at a basic level unnerve you...As in so many times even when its not your fault you end up apologizing just to ease out the situation....What is it?"

Laughter... No it's no filmy crap or any dirty secret from my past that is embedded in my memory which scares me... Its just I don't like the concept of Anger.... One of those silly things "Anger is one letter short of Danger"

And with that answer I got a look of "Stop Bullshitting Me" and then I had to explain further

Anger according to me is the most damaging thing.... People's worst side comes out when they are angry.... It's reactions are short sighted.... Even the most virtuous people in History are known to have resorted to violence because of their anger. It makes us do things that we regret later and sometimes things that are unrepairable...

Yes I'm human and I do get angry too, but I prefer to go quite because it can create a lot of damage... Ill spoken words, violence what does it achieve... just bad feelings and a feeling of regret later.. When in a fight I either can fuel the fight by further speaking rudely else I can be the one to say sorry and end it there. Why carry on the fight and the tension and the ill-will and all??? Isn't it best to end it there...

The most virtuous of kings... Ashoka- The Great in his spite and anger led the conquest of Kalinga which led to a lot of destruction. The exact reason for the Wat of Kalinga is unknown but it is said that

Susima's brothers might have fled to Kalinga and found official refuge there. This enraged Ashoka immensely. Ashoka asked the royalty of Kalinga to submit before him but they refused.

Ashoka sent one of his generals to Kalinga to make them submit.

The general and his forces were completely routed through the skilled tact of Kalinga's commander-in-chief. Ashoka was baffled at this defeat and then attacked Kalinga with the greatest invasion ever known. The whole of Kalinga was plundered and destroyed. About 100,000 people were killed on the Kalinga side and 10,000 from Ashoka's army. This was the price of his anger. There after he felt remorse.

Whats the use of such anger which leads to pain and destruction for so many. So many times even when the anger doesn't come out and simmers within a person it is harmful. Yes even when I get angry and I go quiet .... I get this burning feeling inside and feel irritable and end up harming myself.. In my anger, I can't think rationally and can't do things in a proper manner, so yes even though I don't speak mean and I don't hurt the other person it does harm me...

So ya I do prefer letting the matter go with a simple sorry and that does help mellow the other person down and then talk it out with them and clear the misunderstanding.

Also when you re arrange the alphabets of Anger they come to Range and really I do feel that anger does harm and destroy everything in Range.... As in when a persons angry they end up being mean and rude to people who haven't even done anything...Your near and dear ones end up facing the brunt of someone else's mistakes or improper behavior....Just because of your anger, You lash out on everyone else and that's not fair or reasonable but that does happen.. So ya I feel Anger destroys things in Range.

So that's just the reason why I get un-nerved when I'm around people who are angry or when a similar situation.... I feel its prudent just to say Sorry and ease the situation at hand...And please you know I'm not bull-shitting now so trust me and let be...Lets enjoy the food

Fairytale - Be good

2010-03-06T13:12:00.000-08:00

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel"

This is my biggest and strongest belief in my life and hence most of the time I behave in a manner that is befitting my belief.... As in there are many times when I'm doing certain things and honestly I'm not happy doing them but I still do them because I feel that people will remember my actions and some day when the circle completes that good turn will come my way.... and even if it doesn't at least I will definitely have this satisfaction of saying I was right and I'm glad I did nothing wrong in my anger.

But this sentence or belief has a much larger and stronger meaning and emphasis. A persons actions whether good or bad always remain with people. If someone unexpectedly or without any reason does a good turn... you end up feeling good and that good feeling stays. Similarly if someone was to act like a jerk without any reason there is this "what the hell" feeling and then it kind of stays for most part of the day.

Good deeds and actions done with or without a reason always bring a smile to people's face and that smile reaches their heart and stays as a memory. It's never forgotten. It becomes an anecdote to tell for a large part of people's life.

There's a reason why few sayings like "You will reap as you sow" or "One good deed deserves another" or "Life is a circle and you face your demons and niceness here" were made. They definitely hold true. And if you keep patience you see them unfold in front of your eyes.

I know its easier said than done, but even though a person might act mean and totally not nice, you as a person should not leave your ground and keep on being nice. The person at that time might not see your niceness or might take you for granted because you're nice. But one day, its my belief they do see things in retrospect and are filled with remorse at what they did or what they lost but sometimes by then its too late and they are left with nothing but guilt. Your good actions and behaviour will never go un-noticed.

I very strongly believe in fairy tales .... and also believe that any story that did not have a happy end cannot be a fairy tale and you have to keep patience to meet your fairy tale. But until then you have to keep on being good.... Every fairy tale has had the beautiful princess and a handsome prince but everything going against them and yet the princess and prince kept their niceness and fought their way through and only then did they receive a "Happily Ever After" and that's precisely how life is....Unfair and a long battle with lots of obstacles and eveil step mothers and dragons and curses but a person with a strong character maintaining his niceness only gets the Happily Ever After...

So Be GOOD.... There's always someone watching.... There's always someone's life you end up touching without knowing.... There are always hundreds silent good wishes given and prayers read for your niceness and you just never know which prayer reaches HIM and turns your life into a Happily Ever After Fairytale

Can There......

2009-11-11T20:52:00.000-08:00

Can there be a time when you’re so lost that your presence can’t be found……

I mean ya… not the case of Lost in thought… those we’ve all had and have been castigated by our teachers at least once during our lifetimes…. Even the geeks have been lost in some thought even if it was yet another numerical they were solving in their head during English class and had to be hauled back to life/senses… back to the lit. class. Point being, all of us have been lost like that and I definitely didn’t mean this lost…..

And yes I don’t mean the lost like the “The Lost” sit com where you’re lost in some geographical unit of the world like an island waiting to be found or the Tundra and Alaska where there’s a saying that once you’re lost.. You might never be found…..

I mean, can there actually be a time in life where your own presence can’t be found… even by you… where you feel completely lost to things around you and there seems no way that can turn around things… there seems no way that can lead to an opening…a ray of light.. A solution….. Where the only solution that could and is available to you in fact might get you in a deeper black hole…..

Can you ever be so detached and clueless where you seek for the company of people…. Where your privacy and you solitariness threatens you and you go looking for the comforting company of your most trusted and loved ones and in fact that turns out to unnerve you further…. Where someone is so close to you… is your hope and an expression to your emotion but still is so far away… so distant…so not there sitting 2 inches away from you…. You’re left completely baffled at now what….

Can you be so falsified and dissimulated by your own self where you lose track of your own senses….

I mean like you lose track of your own hunger…. Where you feel hungry, then in matter of few minutes you don’t …. And in case you do end up eating you’re so distorted that nothing seems compatible or palatable to your taste buds… nothing no pizza… no pasta… no butter chicken… you just end up eating little coz you know its imperative….

Where any/ all music on your drives and disks somehow stops making sense and sounds cacophonous and the peace and quite also irritates you…

Can you ever be so Unacquainted with your own self…..

I thought not…. But I guess Yes…….

How lost is lost

How lost is found…..

How what was found was lost….

An emotion

A soul

A heart

A break

A person who’s fake

A journey we didn’t take

A life we could not make

Things that matter

Emotions/moments to gather

2009-11-07T01:28:00.000-08:00

The Power in a Relationship Lies with the One Who Cares Less......

I read this status update on facebook.... it was my best friends.... and it got me thinking....

Do people actually realise the power they have over others.... Do they realise they have the power to change a persons life...to maneuver a persons life in any direction....

Do they realise all this and purposely be insensitive to hurt the other.... to weaken the other.... what kind of egoistic satisfaction can a person extort out f hurting a person who blindly cares for them..... what is this power game..... I mean are they blind to see that they only get this power because someone genuinely loves them..... if this someone was to stop caring where would they get this power from.... and if this someone cares so much for them is it fair to act this callous way.... and hurt them

Does it actually make sense to Care less for a person to be the significant powerful one when someone unconditionally loves you and trusts you...

Diwali

2009-10-19T12:46:00.000-07:00

Uday- The Rise

2009-10-19T02:14:00.000-07:00

This is something I had written 7 yrs ago when my nephew was born... i had uploaded it on a portal for poetry, they needed that if you published a poem in Hindi it had to be supplemented with a translation in English. Well the translation also turned to be nice so adding both

Uday andhkar ko tyagti subah ka hai
Uday ek akanksha ek umeed ka hai
Uday ek khushi ek nae ullas ka hai
Uday do logon ke milan ka hai
Uday kisi ki aati jaati saason or nae jeevan ka hai
Uday ek nai peedi ka hai
Uday ek nai kilkaari nae phul ka hai
Uday kisi ki kalpana ke saakshat roop ka hai
Uday uska hai jisko uski chahat hai
Uday mera hai humara hai
Aakhir Uday Omkaar hai.

It's the rise - where darkness is left by the night and morning follows
It's the rise- of new dreams and new hopes
Its the rise of a new happiness and new jubilation
It's the rise of someone's love
It's the rise when two people will unite
It's the rise of the coming and going of someone's life and someone's new life
It's the rise of a new generation
It's the rise of a new cry and a new flower(baby)
It's the rise where someone's dream have taken the form of reality
It's the rise of all those who've yearned for it
The rise is mine, The rise is Ours
After all The Rise is God

Vande Mataram

2009-10-19T02:12:00.000-07:00

On this day & always, I shall honour and love my Motherland.....Vande Maataram...

This is the feeling that the day of August 15th started. I got on Facebook and updated my status, it was echoed by many others. Surge of patriotism had rushed through many others like me.... I even gifted the beloved Flag to lots of people through Facebook......We went out for lunch and all through the drive to the restaurant we listened to nice nice patriotic songs.....Its not that we saw the freedom struggle or anything.... It's this pride in being an Indian... It's this pride in belonging to India....

Well there were many who acted cynic and said what is this Independence day.... whats there to be happy about????? have you seen what the country has become and where it's going.. there is so much corruption..... there is so much of this.... there is so much of that.... and the cynicism went on and on.....Well I ignored it and was like whatever....

Fast Forward to October.... Newspapers started flooding with articles on Do's and Don'ts in respect of the Common Wealth Games 2010.... These Do's and Don'ts are to be followed for a year till 2010 games....There will be new road regulations... New fines....The people will be taught how to be courteous and polite.... It was one week before Diwali and the government asked people not to move out of homes till absolutely necessary because a dry run/drill was being done for the Games....It was quite irritating....

So in the evening that day I sat with a couple of my "cynic" friends and started speaking about how stupid the whole affair of dry runs is... "what stupidity is this one week before diwali and they expect us to sit at home, how is one to get their work done??? what is this need to be courteous or to be taught to be courteous, what crap is all this???" Funny as it may seem, but the same friends who were ranting about the stupidity of Independence Day started screaming at me, telling me how idiotic I am to be thinking like this. " Nami its the commonwealth games, don't you realize how prestigious it is..... You are going to be a Host to so many nations....The country has to be at it's best...You, I all of us will be acting like ambassdors of the country, when we do something out of the line people will scorn us for being bad Hosts.... Have you forgotten what our culture teaches us Atithi devo Bhavah- guests are to be treated like God" ..... I couldn't help but laugh at the Irony of the situation.... These people who couldn't take pride in being an Indian few months back suddenly were acting all nationalistic and patriotic.... It was funny..But then I thought....Hey even if its the Commonwealth Games which is getting this feeling in people.... Feeling of Pride for one's Nation... It's working....the work is getting done

In the end Whatever works... and gets the work done....And gets people to echo this feeling below

Bhagwa Safed Hara… Jeevan Chakra Mera…..Karm Satya Dharti Maa Inhi Mein Main Pala… Bhartiya Main Jana Bhartiya hi jala… Bhartiy Main Jeeyu Sada Bharitya Rahun… Bhagwa Safed Hara… Jeevan Chakra Mera

Cough Cough... Puff Puff

2009-09-11T03:17:00.000-07:00

I had , had enough
I want to mention
Life - A tension
Asphyxiated and Stiffled
I looked for my options
Options .... Very Scarce
I chose
Smoking
A Puff
First Few Puffs
Anxieties Relieved
Difference in
Good and Bad
I knew
Future uncertain... unknown
Further... more.. pressure
Few More Puffs
Health Deteriorated
Lungs Gone
Speech Unclear
One more Puff
Breathing Struggling
Few More
Tensions Released
I think not
Still lots of battles to be fought
Enough
Just few more puffs
Life had.... had enough
Decisions were tough
But I was Stupid
For I chose the Puff....

Life

2009-08-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

Ode to my love for books...

Life is a weird story
Few chapters already told
Few yet to become and hence untold
Each different chapter comprising of
Each different Genre...

Chapter 1 is the Children's Genre
Full of innocence, dreams
Fantasy Lands and Magic Worlds
Like those of Alice and Harry Potter
Trying to discover yourself
And having nothing to bother....

Chapter 2 is a jumbled one...
Variety enters Life
and it's fun....
It's a Romantic Genre
Where love is the religion
It's the quest to be united with your lover
A story of Oliver and Jenny
Where Love is not having to say sorry

Its the War Fiction
With you being Gabriel Allon
Whose waging War against terrorists and the kind
Only in your life there is a twist
Here Children are waging
A constant War against their parents
Arguments and Accusations
Fly around like Misile plains
It's always a draw
and no one Gains

It's the Detective fiction and a Spy Thriller
Where you are the evil, the criminal
And ironically you're also the Detective or Bond 007
Trying to cleans the Evil and the Bad within you
Hence becoming your own Savior, Your Hero.

It's the Science Fiction
Yet to be Written
On the inventions and innovations
In life yet to be done.

So
Life is a story of a
Confused Genre
And still
Your own
Unique Best Seller
Millions of copies are sold
To your Family, Friends, Relations
and so many others in the world
You get a Different Review
From each person you meet
The story of Life reaches its last chapter
Only when your life gets complete.

Kheech ke Humko laya Kahan yeh Rakeeb re

2009-08-17T01:59:00.000-07:00

My life - Commerce with Math in School, Bachelors in English Lit, Masters in Fashion Management, Summer School program in Writing and now pursuing a correspondence course in Financial Studies ..... Where is my life leading me???? Somewhere I hope.....

Mr. A an excellent dancer had a penchant for Performing Arts, wanted to pursue the same line for his profession, parents dissuaded, on being advised studied finance, dropped out and did an MBA and now is looking for a Job. Funny as it may seem today he is sometimes told "You were always interested in the performing arts, why didn't you pursue it as a career option , you might have tested your metal". The poor guy doesn't know where to look....

Mr. B a very happy go lucky boy was living a very comfortable and satisfied life...Finished with graduation now was helping in the family business. Would work hard and then come back and relax and chill with friends...He was content, work was good... social life was even better....all in all Good.... On 15th, he was flying kite, after dark he was coming down the stairs of his newly constructed home and he missed his stepping, fell 3 1/2 flights, He's no more.....

Ms. C was about to turn 16, was a very responsible student and hence wanted to get back home after the fun filled weekend at the farm so that she doesn't miss school unnecessarily the next day.... on the way back she had a car accident and she passed away....

I have fallen in love with this song " Khudaya Ve" from the movie "Luck", well I was listening to it the other day and I don't know where my mind was but there are these lines that kind of stayed with me...."kheech ke humko laya kahan pe rakeeb re" .... Literally meaning... Where has our Destiny got us??? and it got me thinking....a lot

We plan our lives... I want to do this.... I want to be a CA, Doctor, Actor etc.... But what does our Destiny have in store for us??? What plans does it have....What course has It carved???? Yes Destiny/ Luck... it plays a very important role in where we reach what we do what we achieve what we lose.... I know a lot of people will argue this, because they believe, that only hard work will pay... and to some extent I also concur that you certainly cannot achieve without the hard work.... But Destiny/Luck it plays a very big role.

Lakhs of students study for various competitive exams and they do work hard for them but only a minor percentage get through.... Its because in those 2 hrs during the exam Luck did not favor the majority or maybe their Destiny has a better/other plan. A student two years back had cleared the CAT exam and got a call for interview from all the 6 IIM's. Few days before his interview at the IIM, Bangalore, he had a minor accident and he fractured his foot. He went for the interview and he was rejected because he had, had an accident. Yes that was the basis on which they rejected him, said " A person who is not sure of his footing, how will he be sure of making decisions in life"... Well all people could tell him was "destiny has something else in store for you" ... he converted his IIM Kolkatta call and now is going for his job to the USA....

Many people venture into businesses and become entrepreneurs..... fractional percentage grow in geometric progression....The case is not that the others don't have the aptitude or haven't taken risks of great magnitude... It's just Luck favoured the fractional few whereas it ruined few too on taking the same risks....The successful few did the right thing at the Right Time....

That's life... That's Destiny.... All you can do is work hard, put in the effort.... Rest whatever Destiny has in store for you, You will surely get it...nothing more nothing less.... You can't bet upon life, make concrete plans and bet upon them to complete.... The moment you start betting upon things Destiny throws in a new course a new plan for you and you are left wondering..... There are these lines in our Bhagwat Gita " Karmanya vadikarsya Maphaleshu kadachana ma karmaphal hetur bhoo ma sangostu akramani" meaning Thou hast power only to act not over the result thereof. Act thou therefore without prospect of the result and without succumbing to inaction .....

Work Work Work... and Leave it to your Destiny.... If you Succeed well You got luck on your side... if you don't wait have patience your destiny has something in store for you.... Just what that is... You will figure out in due course of time.....Just wait for Destiny... for your time

I had written this long ago....

Try as hard as you can
But trust me
It really won't matter
Coz everything that happens
Is because of me
After all I'm your destiny
You see!!!!!!!

I chose the place of your birth
I chose the day of your first step
I chose the day you spoke your first word
You spoke very untimely ... coz
I had gotten irritated seeing you sit quietly

I chose the course of your life
Every step that you took
Your success and failures are how I planned...
Your future I can foresee
After all it's all up to me

You may have a few aspirations
And few dreams too
Try... Maybe I'll get pleased
And make it happen too
But remember I'm here to tell you

Try but don't bet upon life
For you will never know what course
It might take
Every time you think you have it in control
I'll give you a blow...
I'm Egoistic...
I'm Sadistic...
I won't let Your life
Remain in Even flow....

I like to play my own games
Sometimes mean sometimes sweet
So chill n don't get depressed at your failures
Coz there's nothing you can do
Just try and wait for your results
And remember I have good things and Bad
All in store for you
Coz I'm your destiny
Your maker... Your Destroyer
I'm your Eternity

Few Lines....

2009-08-15T10:53:00.000-07:00

These are few lines that I wrote here and there.... They don't have much essence and I need to complete them, but still putting them on to share... I shall complete them in due course of time....

Dreamy Eyes...
Lost Look
Searching Gaze
Into Nothingness......

The day life got tainted
World got painted Grey
Shades of confusion
Everything's a Disillusion....

Aaj Kuch na tha....
Wahi Shaam...
Wahi Mukaam tha
Tum aye tees uthi
Laga shayad kuch baki hai,
Kuch Lamhe...
Kuch baatein...
Kuch dard bhari Muskarahatein...
Tum aye pata chala
Ek Khwab tha
Khuli Aankhon ke liye
Or Baaki Kuch Na tha....

Confidence

2009-08-07T06:20:00.000-07:00

I love dance and few years back I had gone for a show performed by the SDIPA called "Yes - The Power of Triumph". It was a beautiful show Glitz, Glamor, Superb Choreography by Shiamak and then Shiamak who himself danced and sang along with his troop. What more could someone like me ask for.....

What was brilliant was the narration and the concept behind the show. All you got to do is say YES. Yes the concept was that simple. YES - the key to achieving anything. When you say NO, You close all your doors in that direction but when you say YES, you open Opportunities, you open doors and options, you embark on a journey. Yes I can, Yes I Will and with that you Try and Make things Possible........

And that's what Confidence is all about... Just being able to say Yes. Yes when you feel confused. Yes when you feel troubled. Yes when you feel aprehensive. Just a simple YES. Confidence makes you say Yes and Stand up to situations, Face them and Fight them.

Someone very Wise once told me. "When you want something to happen, Say it with Conviction and then only will you be able to make it happen". Even a little Doubt and it reduces your Efficiency and you Effort in achieving it.

Confidence is......
To confide within all your fears....
To smile and hide away your tears....
To be bold instead of meek
To stand up for yourself and not be weak
To enter a crowd n let know your presence
To make laughter your life's essence
To believe in things that others can't
To make an Incline to look straight instead of a Slant
To agreeably, work toil and sweat
To be level headed when things become a threat
That's what's the value of Confidence
Making Life full of Excellence and Brilliance

Love - once twice or thrice

2009-08-03T03:42:00.000-07:00

This one is for everyone of us whose fallen in love... It's everybody's story... Actually of Majority coz I know of A Lucky Minority Few who struck gold in the first go. Rest of us have a different story.....We found sort of Love more than one time and then got settled with Our Love or are still looking for that perfect Love.... Some of our stories were of unrequited love...

Zindagi yuhin guzar jayegi yun socha na tha
kisi humsafar ke intezar mein samay roka na tha
aisa nahi ki pyaar kiya nahi maine
bus usse lautaya nahi us kisi ne
sapno kemuqadarmein pura hone ki khushaseebi nahi hoti
har ek kahani mein kabhi raja to kabh rani nahi hoti
har samay hai ek sangharsh jeene ka
haalaaton ke aage jhukkar aage badne ka
woh pyaar jo pehla tha
woh yaar jo bheed mein akela tha
kyun bhulya nahi gaya humse
kyun juda ho na paya dilse
aaj mudaton baad fir unhein paayan wahaan
apna dil akela tanaha chhod aaye the jahan
fir dil mein ek kasak si jagi thi
fir wahi sapna ek raja jiski ek rani thi
fir us jagah se yun has kar chal diye
jaise safar mein do ajnabee kuch der rukkar chal diye
ab zindagi mein alag hi jahan apna hai
ek baar fir pyaara ek sapna hai
zindagi ke safar mein humsafar koi aur hai
jo chaha woh nahi.. humne paya koi or hai
Zindagi yuhin guzar jayegi yun socha na tha
kisi humsafar ke intezar mein samay roka na tha

It all begins at Me

2009-07-07T04:44:00.000-07:00

"Charity begins at home", that's what Mom said when I told her I wanted to donate old clothes and all. At first I got slightly angry and didn't understand why she was stopping for doing something good. It took sometime but I understood what she meant. I could do the same thing, touch people's life.... the only difference would be that these people would be around me, Our staff... their children etc...

This saying built the foundation for a very important rule in life, It all begins at Me. Yes it does...

As I search for a friend
someone to listen to my fears
understand my feelings
accept me for what I am
I looked around
but there's nobody that I found
like I wanted
So I looked within
and understood
My friendship had to first originate with me.

As I search for love
unconditional and honest
pure and patient
a life long commitment
I looked around
but there's no one that I found
like I wanted
So I looked within
and understood
I had to first start loving me

As i search for a world
a place of peace and integrity
satisfaction of life and soul
a utopia, a perfection, a whole
I looked around
but there's nothing that I found
like I wanted
So I looked within
and understood
my perfection of world had to begin with me....

It all begins with you....and end with you...

It began just like this

2009-07-06T04:50:00.000-07:00

Once long long ago... Ok not that long ago...During S6 (11th for all non MODERNITES) I walked into the staff room... I think I wanted to miss my Mathematics class and hence needed permission on some pretext from my Community Service In charge..... She was sitting with my English teacher, they were about the exercise she had made her class do and how it turned out.... I was standing there and listening to their conversation, waiting, so that i could take my permission note...but instead I got interested in the conversation and the exercise my teacher had done in her previous class...

She saw that I had gotten drawn to their conversation, so she humored me by telling me to perform the same exercise. She even encouraged me because she saw that expression of oddity on my face, and told me ' I know you'll write something beautiful'.... Anyways I didn't get my permission slip.... But in my mathematics class I ended up doing the exercise... which ended up in the first poem I wrote....

The exercise was to write in a word or line - "What would you rather be???"....And I wrote exactly what she expected out of me....

PS: Please ignore the use of funny things/ words that are used to complete the rhyming scheme... after all its the first thing i wrote

To be a normal person is a very easy task,
But it's difficult to be in pain and wear a happy mask.
Forget people, What would you rather be if not a human being,
Not an animal or bird, but something immortal which we keep seeing.

I'd rather be the Kite and fly high in the sky,
Beyond all limits, towards the horizon, with just a string tied.

I'd rather be the Soil in which the crops are grown,
To serve people with food, rather than being a person who moans and groans.

I'd rather be the Smile that all faces wear,
To make people happy and be a sign of cheer.

I'd rather be the Wind which flows without a barrier,
Calm, cool and mild and becomes a relaxation carrier.

I'd rather be the Tear that flows out and releases pain from the heart
than be the pain, that hurts like a needle on tip of a dart.

I'd rather be the Hug, the symbol of love and care in a heart,
So warm that sometimes with love it can tear the heart apart.

I'd rather be the Silver lining on the cloud of gray,
Giving hope to people in times of failure and dismay.

I'd rather be the Incentive, Motivation and Dedication,
That make you work tirelessly to reach your destination.

At last I'd rather be Love, Genuinity and Honesty
Which are the main ingredients of a souls purity

I did

2009-07-06T03:51:00.000-07:00

This is an ode to someone I knew... someone I considered a friend....a close friend... I had met her few years ago....we were together for about 3-4 months and then she shifted away. We kept contact maybe not on a regular basis but we were there for each other... and one day we were chatting after a long time and things did not seem right. I told her I'd give her a call the next day.... I did plan to call her but got busy with my brother's wedding.... and when I finally wanted to contact her it was too late....my friend had passed on.....

My friend's life had been quite a roller coaster.... When we had met then too her life was going through a lot of mess.... she was the introvert kinds....often giving an appearance of an arrogant person, though she was a polar opposite to that.... She was a reserved and a shy person.... She was a person of few words.... she was a magnet for mess....and somehow that became the reason for negligence on my part.... she did reach out to me...I just couldn't see the gravity of the situation...and now nothing is left...

I don't think what she did was right and justified in any way.... but all the same it does take a lot of shit to drive a person till there.... people who matter not being thereat that time... people who you can hold on too... people who care for you...She did reach out to few of us but....we just thought it's one of those times and gave importance to our life and our things more....I'm not sure if I could have been the one who would've made the difference...But then maybe I would've...

I really did care for you and you meant a lot.....But now....its all become dust.....

Burnt lives and burnt bodies
Everything eventually
Dust
Lives of dissatisfaction
Felling of incompetence
Atmosphere of obscurity
Total insecurity
Hope being stolen away
Belief and faith stifled away....
Inside you peak
a heart ablaze you see,
in desperation a scream...
Pain.... Anger... Isolation....Suffocation...
Eyes emotionless and silent
A walk to the table
Dagger... poison.... and a rope....
All 'doors' are open
When all 'ways' are closed to you.
Eyes roll up... a thought
Oh Lord, I thank thee
For all that you gave me...
A smile....and now finally peace.......
Burnt lives give away
to burnt bodies
Everything eventually
DUST............................................

THE ULTIMATE BEFORE THE ULTIMATE

2009-07-04T05:57:00.000-07:00

A moment is all that is there before that something very big, a very unnoticed but too big a moment.... A moment that I'm sure comes in every bodies life but somehow sometimes it's just not noticed... It's that one moment that makes all the difference, but it's that one moment we don't give importance to, the kind it deserves....Funny as though it may seem it is true.... It's with this moment in different situations that i wrote this... Might seem relevant might seem too random... just like always.....

Knock Knock

Whose there?

I’m the ultimate before the ultimate

And who may I ask is you

I’m the one moment before anything happens.

Sorry I didn’t quiet get you

Oh let me explain it all to you

When a person slips

Into the crutches of death

I’m that ultimate struggle

To catch an extra breath.

When the doctor, comes out of the OT

And silently in dismay nods his head

I’m that ultimate feeling of hope

Hoping that inside, the near n dear one isn’t dead.

When the judge gives his verdict of being guilty

And the guilty walks from the courtroom to the car

I’m the ultimate feeling of freedom

That he experiences before he goes behind the bars.

When after all wrong things

Something happens to go right

I’m that ultimate feeling of relief

That one gets after such a tremendous fight.

When the lovers end up quarrelling

And it all leads to moment of desperation

I’m the feeling of togetherness and love

That they had felt once, before the separation

When you’re about to lose someone you love

And that too because of some disease

I’m that ultimate feeling of helplessness

That one feels as they near the ultimate release.

You see I’m the ultimate before the ultimate

I’m the one moment that no one notices

Coz I don’t come for long…. Just few moments

N change everything….. to good or bad.

Now please can I come in

Coz in some way right now you’re also experiencing

The ultimate before the ultimate

Just been long time...

2009-07-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

This one's again the blast from the past... It was written a very long time ago.... Though its recurrences in today's life are many..... Few scenes from here and there are acting like a Dejavu`....

WITHOUT....

Flowers without fragrance ............ Stars without shimmer
Clouds without rain ................... Bruises without pain
Music without beats .............. Journey without retreat
Nights full of mist .................. Stories without gist
Candles without flame .............. Guilty without blame
Name without fame ............... Victory without game
A hope without mission .............. An aim without precision
A desire that can't be fulfilled .......... A dream that can't be lived
A smile full of tears ...... Confidence full of fears
A friend yet an acquaintance .... thought of understanding yet estrangement

Feeling of love ...... A bliss
Totally unrequited...... A Miss

Promises are meant to be broken

2009-06-29T06:33:00.000-07:00

"Promise breaker shoe maker" ...... " Promises honored are a persons honor" etc etc... This is all we learnt as we grew up about how a persons credibility and their character is judged through their ability to keep their promises.

A promise is one's word that something will be done an assurance... It is a hope, a possibility of things materializing... It's a security... It is something sacred...

Though the whole concept has changed today, we use it in such callousness and not care about it. "Hey I promise I'll be there".... "I promise I will do it".... "I give you my word for it".... "I assure you things are all right".... mostly whenever these phrases are used they mean quite the opposite.. there definitely are no intentions of being kept.... and when they are made to a loved one and then broken well it bring a lot of wrath upon u..... So that does become a point of concern...

But sometimes things get slightly complicated.... A promise is made to you and with that assurance you start treading fields that were unknown to you.... you reach where you might never have, just because you have that assurance as a support.... and in time when that promise is broken... you do get disappointed, but your spirit doesn't falter and this time you move on..... few words that i had written resonate what i have said in these few last lines.....

Five Words
Five words
Just five mere words
Upon which a friendship stood.
Five words that meant
Meant more than anything.
Five words that said -
I won't let you break.
Words that gave me strength.
Five words which made me again
think high,
made me want to fly,
wanting to reach the sky
which had inscribed upon it
No limit ..... Soar on... Fly high
I dreamt of reaching for the stars
which shimmered and twinkled
so pure so bright....
I started trusting again,
waiting to see the rainbow
after the rain....
Started blossoming like a flower...
And forgot all my grief and pain,
and set objectives again..
started on a journey
to achieve them
for now i had you to push me
as my strength.
But then the dream got over...
Reality struck again
History repeats it self
This time it was you
who gave the pain....
This time i broke
but it wasn't all that bad
For you had made me learn
lessons of life.
You taught me, life goes on and on
though, between us it may be an end,
But you'll find a friend, just around the bend
With that thought inside me again
Rebuilt on the ashes on my pain.
I knew
Someone will come as my strength
Someone will come as a friend
Someone will just come and whisper
these five magic words again
I won't let you break
And just take away pain....

Just been long time...

2009-06-25T05:23:00.000-07:00

This is something i had read and loved.... and my teacher gave this to me as an inspiration to write... it is really long long ago... but i wanted it to be a part of the posts.... i still have it with me... teacher, you gave me wings... you gave me flight... my feelings became words and i got confidence to write....

Let me be
the thought you think
but do not speak
that secret treasure
you in solitude seek.

Let me be
the wind you feel
but cannot possess;
that beauty of nature
without access

Let me be
the voice which is distant
yet always near;
that memory you cannot share
but is forever dear

Let me be
the bond without strings
untouched by fear,
the bright day
when the sky is clear

Let me be
that smile you smile
but cannot satisfy
that longing you have
for 'us' to satisfy....

-anonymous

Just been long time...

2009-06-25T04:58:00.000-07:00

This is a promise, i silently made to my friends... some of them knew about it some of them didn't... It's not like it mattered.... But its something i've tried to stand by.... even though its very immature and too idealistic....But once upon a time these are the standards i had set for myself and so try to live up to them.... Again this too was written long long ago...

When we are miles apart
When things wrong
And things seem like a sad song
I'll be there, Go on and on

When darkness covers you
and sunlight can't penetrate through
I'll be there, Go on and on

When tears roll down
and you can't help but frown
I'll be there, Go on and on

When you need someone to care
and there isn't anyone to share
I'll be there, Go on and on

When you're covered with shock
and you need someone to talk
I'll be there, Go on and on

When you can't handle anymore and think it's the end
And the path seems to narrow along the bend
I'll be there, Go on and on

I'll be there like a melody to your ears
I'll be there as a ray of hope to brighten your day
I'll be there to brings you the smile on your face
I'll be there just to be a patient listener
I'll be there as a companion to make your way easy
I'll be there to fill magic in your life
I'll be there like the rainbow filled with colours
I'll be there as your shadow
I'll be there in your heart
But most of all I'll be there as your friend
So don't worry....I'll be there, Go on and on

Just been long time...

2009-06-25T04:52:00.000-07:00

More of the randomness, I had penned down long long ago.....

SShhh .... Quiet
Listen
to what I don't say
Read my eyes
which are moisten
even though
i have a smile
on my face...

Read and understand
the pain thats hidden i
n me even when i'm
jumping around to fill,
all around
with joy and cheer

Look within me
and see how things
are trapped
taking help of a pencil
to let out
in words that
have been
skillfully woven
instead of having
your shoulder
to cry on

I wish you had eyes
that could see or
ears that could hear
even now when
my silence speaks
and shouts
searching for you
to listen what
i don't say....

Just been long time...

2009-06-25T04:25:00.000-07:00

I found a few pages from here and there.... i had penned them down a long ago.... they are quite random but have a funny connection today... so just putting them down....

The bridge over troubled waters...
where even the thoughts begin to shatter
Confusion of thoughts, cluttered in the mind
Whether or not to move on, leaving everything behind
Whether to invest time and let everything to shape about
All that has lost meaning and completely messed out
Just to let go of everything that's been in my heart and on my mind
And not care about people who have been ' Two steps Behind'......
Don't know what tommorow ; the future holds for me
Something good, its bound to be...
There will be sunshine at the end of the night
Things will again fall in place and be right...
But, for the time being, mind loses its control over its thoughts,
Confusion, anxiety persist and things remain entangled in knots...
The bridge over troubled waters...
Where things stop to matter.....

Crib

2009-06-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

Ok this is really very funny as far as i remember, every time i complained my mom turned around and said " Nami stop cribbing".... I mean yes I have heard the word in many other contexts ; cots, people homes etc. but mostly in the complain context only.... and somehow the same meaning as in crib meaning complain doesn't exist on the net... so before i go forward an ardent request to anyone who reads this post.... if you by any chance come across the meaning of crib as i have known it please give me the link so that i can alter my post...

Now what i intended to say before i started this post is completely different. We all crib, its human nature ... Mummy the food's not nice.... I wanted a pink shirt and you got me a blue one.... oh what the hell, the trailers to the movie were so much better than the movie actually was.... Why is my food getting delayed, why can't i ever get it on time.... yada yada yada.... and more blah blah blah... ya too many reasons to crib about.... But you know cribbing is of two kinds - useful ( I'm telling you it can be) and useless, the later ones being all the examples above and some like ; it's hot in Delhi .... Yes in the month of May and June it is hot in Delhi ... Christ, it rains too much in Mumbai... Yes in the rainy season it always rains too much in Mumbai.... So when someone cribs like this all i feel like doing is turning around and saying Duuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh!!!!!..... I mean i am a very very understanding person and I can empathise a lot, but sorry not on reasons like these... Please Forgive Me.....

Useful cribbing when most of the times our parents crib ; why are you sitting useless... do something constructive....clean your room... eat proper healthy food..I get to listen to it most of the time,yes if one tries to act on those well it could turn out to be a blessing.... Or when these days most of us turn around and crib to God... Please make it Rain... Yes we need those, there are lot of forest fires happening, lots of crop being spoilt because of no rain, water levels are going done.. can't have that happening... so every time we crib about rain not happening, our collective prayer is being sent and He just might listen to us soon enough. When we crib more bitch about our near and dear ones... if only he could do this... if only she would understand that this irritates me, yes we all endlessly crib about our own people wanting them to change in someway if not more, well if that near and dear one understands the reason of your cribbing and changes. Your cribbing might just have worked, it could be useful, but sometimes it brings in distance so beware....

So all I want to say is Crib lot more people if it makes sense....coz when you crib with mind you could bring about a good change.... and that's good in most of the cases.. we don't need stagnancy in our life do we.....but..... if it doesn't make sense.... spare the people around you ... you could well be perceived as a cynic... we don't want that happening do we.....

Movies..... Masti...Magic

2009-06-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

Yes, the tittle is borrowed and so is the content of this post..... I am publishing it in public ( NIDHI and SAGAR ) interest... you see i know few people who are not clued in with our most cliche movies and the dialogues that appear in them, which in turn becomes dangerous to their health because certain people take offense to their ignorance of the Bollywood. This one's for them. The dialogues appearing in this mail are not in a chronological order, only how they came to my mind, most of em should have the movie with them but if they don't please again leave a comment so that i can edit later... for the love of movies.. muaaaaaaaah

PS: please add to my list

Mooche ho to Nathulal jaise ho….warna na ho – Shaarabi ; well this is how the conception of this post came to my mind, because this certain someone again didn't know where this was from or if it was a dialogue...so that's the first one im posting....

ishq de meree mitra pehchaan kee mit javay jadoon zid apnan dee
Hindi Version: (As said by Katrina) Sachhe Pyar Ka Matlab, Usse Haasil Karna Nahin Hota.... this one's from Namaste London.... a movie i recently saw and i love....

Sara saher mujhe lion ke naam se jaanta hai – Kaalicharan – the quote that spawned hundreds of ‘Ajit jokes’.
Police ne tumhe charon taraf se gher liya hain – apne aap ko kannon ke haawale kar do – I know – its one of those hackneyed dialogues – but I included it since it was used so many times by this one actor Iftekar, speaking into a meagphone including Don, and many more... Paanch ruapiya bara ana – Chalti Ka Naam Gadi
Babumoshai…. – Anand
Ki..ki…ki…Kiran – Darr – The beginning of SRK’s endless hamming
Mere Paas Maa Hai – Deewar – One of the very few times perhaps when Amitabh’s co-actor has run away with the better dialogue.

Mogambo khush hua – Mr. India

Kitne aadmi the – Sholay – I am sure there will be very little arguement on this
Chal Dhano! Aaj teri Basanti ki izzhat ka saawal hai - Sholay
Hum jaha pe khade ho jaate hein, line wahi se shuru hoti hai – Kaaliya

E lo kar lo baat. Are aisi angrezi ave hain ke I can leave angrez
behind. I can talk english, I can walk english, I can laugh english,
because english is a funny language. Bhairon becomes barren and
barren becomes Bhairon because their minds are very narrow. In the
year 1929 when India was playing Australia at the melbourne stadium
Vijay Hazare and Vijay Merchant were at the crease. Vijay Merchant
told Vijay Hazare. look Vijay Hazare, this is a very prestigious
match and we must consider it very prestigiously. We must take this
into consideration, the consideration that this is an important match
and ultimately this consideration must end in a run.
Ranjeet: O.K., O.K.
Amitabh: In the year 1979 when Pakistan was playing against India at the
Wankhade stadium Wasim Raja and Wasim Bari were at the crease and
they took the same consideration. Wasim Raja told Wasim Bari, look
Wasim Bari, we must consider this consideration and considering that
this is an important match we must put this consideration into action
and ultimately score a run. And both of them considered the
consideration and ran and both of them got out.
Ranjeet: O shut up. - Namakhalal.... .

Sinoreeta… aisi bare bare deshon mein… aisi choti choti batein… hoti rehti hai- DDLJ

aaj sham 6 baje maut ke sat appendment hai, apendment enlgish bolta hai - Agneepath

Naam:Vijay deenanath chauhan..Poora naam, baap ka naam:deena nath chauhan, maa ka naam, suhasini chauhan- Agneepath

Don Ko Pakadna Mushkil Hi Nahin, Namumkin Hai - Don

tarikh pe tarik - damini(sunny deol)

Badman -Ram Lakhan

pushpa, aye pushpa, i hate tears re - Aradhna.... n i know Sid would say... "kaka rox re"

Chaint khuli ke mainth khuli ki chaint- Satte pe satta

Thakur to ggggiyo - Ashok Saraf in Karan Arjun... just watched it today

Jaani..Yeh bacchhon ke khelne ki cheez nahi, haath kat jaaye toh khoon nikal aata hai’ - Chaalbaz.... originally from some Raajkumar movie but figures in chalbaaz also...

chutiye aur bewkoof mein dhage bhar ke pharak hega… aur jo dhaga hainch do, to kaun hai bewkoof, kaun chu**** , karod rupe ka prashan hai bhaiya…. saif in omkara.

Humaara naam Soorma Bhoopali aise nahin hai!!!

Ye haath hamain de de thakur!!!

Kuttey.. Main tera Khoon pee jaunga

Daaam jo tum Chaho, Kaam Jo main chahoon... all from sholay

Rishtey main to hum tumharey baap hotey hain, Naam hai Shenshah

Mein Viren ko Panch saal se janti hun……
Mein to unko taab se janti hu jaab se Mein panch saal ki thi!!
Lamhe (Best Dialogue FilmFare award for 1991)

Appke pare bahut khoobsurat hain, inhe zameen par mat rakhiyega , maile ho jaayenge - Rajkumar in Pakeezah

Chal Hata Sawan ki Ghata, Khaal Khuja Batti buja ke soja nintukle pintukle, Vanti pe khadeli he banti baja rahi hai baar baar ghanti kulla mila ke paschim ko palatle… Bahut ho gaya phut le vat le…Chal jaa yaha se … Hawa ande yaar….” - Deewana Mastana govinda

Silent movie, thoda sound de na!
Tu sad sad kyon hai, happy-sad kyon nahi?
Hum sad kyun hote hain? Kyonki mann bhaari hai, heavy heavy!
Mann kab heavy, heavy hota hai? Jab mann ko koi hurt karta hai!
Mann ko kon itna hurt kar sakta hai? Jo mann ke very very close hota hai!
Mann ke very very close kon hota hai? Jiske sang mann very very happy feel karta hai!
Happy tha, isliye sad hai na, So be happy-sad not sad-sad!”- Cheenikum, sexy to amitabh

Mujhe parivartan pasand nahi mr.Aryan”
Amitabh in Mohabbattein

Mere do do baap” – Gopi Kishan (Sunil Shetty)

Eggjactly – Javed Jafferi, Salaam Namasthe

Bacche Ki Jaan Lega Kya – Akshay Kumar

Frienship mein no sorry, no thank you – salman khan, maine pyar kiya

saif: jo pyar kamyab ho uske baare mein baat karne ki zaroorat nahi hoti, aur jo pyar na kamyab ho uske baare mei baat karne ka faayda nahi

interviewer: aur jo pyar adhura reh jaye woh

Saif: sacha pyar kabhi adhura nahi rehta, ek na ek din usse poora hona hi hota hai

interviewer: to aapki zindagi mein toh bahut se pyar aaye honge

Saif: aya toh ek hi par aaya bahut baar

saif: jo pyar kamyab ho uske baare mein baat karne ki zaroorat nahi hoti, aur jo pyar na kamyab ho uske baare mei baat karne ka faayda nahi

interviewer: aur jo pyar adhura reh jaye woh

Saif: sacha pyar kabhi adhura nahi rehta, ek na ek din usse poora hona hi hota hai

interviewer: to aapki zindagi mein toh bahut se pyar aaye honge

Saif: aya toh ek hi par aaya bahut baar - Hum Tum

Jeet ke haarne wale ko Baazigar kehte hain.. - Baazigar

Regrets

2009-06-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

Feeling so strong.... that lasts for so long.... the worsts ones are those when you do something you never in your wildest dreams thought you'd end up doing.... and the consequences of which leave a life long of regret.... sometimes you do things that are unintentional and uncalled for with people who mean the world to you....
You don't mean to hurt them but you do end up doing the same none the less... I mean that not the plan but what when it does get incorporated in your life... how do you help that
Or for that matter when you entangle your life with someone, you're not suppose to, because when things might end a lot more could be lost....
Life's a bout making decisions... every moment... should i eat, but i am not that hungry, but is it not better if i eat now???? these trivial ones don't matter even when you make a wrong decision... but sometimes, some decisions cause you a life time of thought....
Is there anything you can do about it... yeah people say think and do what you do, but if an action is well thought about and then executed its not a mistake.... so what do you do....
say sorry... show that what you did actually is making you feel bad, again does it change things, does it really make a difference ... i mean you will be forgiven, but will it be forgotten... Does it go away.....
Regret is all that you're left with.... a thought all long your life...for you whose done it and for the one who went through it, it stays at the back of the mind somewhere.... which comes in the foreground when something happens... like a dejavu`

sometime.... so much more....

2009-06-14T06:48:00.000-07:00

One day I want to say "so much more"... Yah the concept is funny... we all want so much more out of life... we keep striving for it...fighting for it.... praying for it... cribbing for it... dreaming for it... But how would it be if one day... some day... some time.. you could turn around and say... " but this is ' so much more' than i asked/ dreamt/ wanted ".... how cool would that be ???????

All of us have expectations from people... and somehow they are never met.... and somehow we are always able to find a shortcoming.... what if someday... you get much more out of your expectation... find someone ... sometime... who is ' so much more'

I saw 27 dresses the other day and i understood the concept of "always a bridesmaid never a bride" in the movie.... but... it does stand for so much more.... I means its a person who wants more out of their life... a person who is stifled and in a position which is not of their choice... but are stuck there...hoping that someday..life will change for them too and they too will be on centre stage ... in limelight...in focus.... and not tailing behind someone.

The same concept with "Always the best friend, never the girl friend" , this too was in some movie.... i mean who doesn't want to be a good friend... but everyone wants to have that special person in their life... that something more....

But this feeling is not restricted to serious matters as these.... these same feelings are radiated on small occassions, when you're feeling blue... and one of your friends unexpectedly reaches out for you.... at times like those you feel you've got so much more than you expected... etc..

It has been so long since i last said.... " so much more" for anything .... Hopefully that would change too.... One day... sometime soon I would too say but man " so much more" ...... :-)) :-))

Phoenix

2009-03-04T07:40:00.001-08:00

I looked up the dictionary and i found these two definitions

-: a mythical bird of great beauty fabled to live 500 or 600 years in the Arabian wilderness, to burn itself on a funeral pyre, and to rise from its ashes in the freshness of youth and live through another cycle of years: often an emblem of immortality or of reborn idealism or hope.

-: a person or thing that has become renewed or restored after suffering calamity or apparent annihilation.

I as a person have always been very very infatuated by the whole concept and the metaphor the word phoenix applies too...the whole concept of regaining oneself from ashes; from being totally broken and burnt... the concept of a new life from ashes... its all very very interesting...

As a kid would always say I'm the phoenix when i had to bounce back from some major crisis in my life, yeah major crisis- friends not talking, friends plotting against you, not good enough scores, juvenile infatuation not working out... they did constitute of major crisis... and then we all grow up.

Though what i also realised, as i grew up, there is a Phoenix ability in all of us.. a defense mechanism that enables us to bounce back to life when it messes up... Shit keeps on happening many times in life, sometimes more sometimes less, its easy to bounce back when its trivial, but when its something significant, that's when this inherent ability in us comes to the foreground... and it does with everyone. Many of us momentarily might feel that this is it and we can't go on any more... feel that life has cheated on us... this is not how it was supposed to be.. but then we get up say "what the heck" can't keep moping around, slowly and steadily we get back to life and eventually with a vengeance.... This is the Phoenix ability in all of us...isn't it...

I am a die hard fan of the Harry Potter series, was reading it yet another time, I realised that the Order of Phoenix was not a name of co incidence. When Voldemort was at his peak trying to rule the wizarding world and torturing anyone who went against him, a group of wizards formed the Order to fight him and bring him down, almost a metaphor of people resurrecting out of nothing to attain a height. The Phoenix syndrome as i would call it

Whats even more fascinating and unprecedented is that in feng shui they use the Phoenix to clean you aura so that you attain fame and heights in whatever you do, and in real life when you do show the Phoenix ability you show yourself newer heights as a person, which were unimaginable to you.

So when you fall down and feel you want to give up and can't do no more... close your eyes and look within and you will find your own Phoenix in you.. Somewhere, waiting to be born again....

this time

2009-03-03T11:40:00.000-08:00

Shit happens... we all know that's what life is all about... you win some you lose some... there is a lot that you plan... you even try for it.... yearn for it but sometimes life has just something else in store for you... it has a different plan...well that's life...at that moment it sucks because you feel betrayed... you try and seek lots of answers... you evaluate a lot.... there are lots of what ifs... what if i had done this ... what if i had done that.... sometimes you really don't understand why it happened and you are left completely flabbergasted... with the "what the hell" expression... but you still evaluate and in the process...that's when the feeling of self doubt seeps in....you try and ask am i not good enough.... where did i go wrong....you play a blame game and somehow it starts and ends at you....people around you try and tell you its not you...they care...they love...it helps sometimes it doesn't...but that's not whats important...whats important it with every trial..there is a lot more connected.... the time that it takes to heal and come out of the situation... brings with it a lot of change.....

change that makes you, a new you after the healing process is over... the changes that come over a person when the hurt is over...people add to their personality people lose a lot of them behind... many call it the learning process what you have learnt from the whole situation.. and actually that's what i have been thinking about... before the situation happened you were someone, living a very content and a normal life... you were accepted and appreciated... then is that change that comes about you now, good or bad.... whatever you may gain from the situation is definitely good but what about what you lose... sometimes people take a lot of you with them when they hurt you... is that good too????

so this time when you're hurt or lost to a situation one has to see what you gain as a person or how much have you lost of yourself as a person.... coz either of these has to happen no person remains unaffected... not even those who say they are strong ones and say " i don't care a fuck"... unconsciously they get affected in some way if not as much

good enough

2009-03-03T03:23:00.000-08:00

Trying is about attempting... attempting to walk towards what you want...getting what you want.. lots of songs are made on "trying" ... when the going gets tough tougher gets going... or phrases like never give up... tag lines "just do it" but the big question being.... how long does one try for... i mean what is your limit of trying and attempting... i mean when do you say I've had enough and you stop trying and give up... wait for what life has in store for you... wait how people judge you now, now that you have stop trying... is your extent of trying somewhere interlinked with you ego.... I mean in the sense what people will say if i don't try any further sorts... your ego failing when you give up.... your ego being jolted when people say shit....

I know winners are people who have tried a lot... and hence they have won.....they have put in a lot of effort into getting what they wanted... but are those people who tried to their best limit and couldn't get where they wanted to, to be termed as losers... don't they get any respect....i mean they tried too didn't they... they did do their best...is their best not good enough

i don't know ... just few random thoughts that crossed my mind.... its just a question of how important a thing is and how long do you chose to try without letting anyone term you as a failure...